Joke Type: observational

Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Chunky Peanut Butter

    Chunky Peanut Butter

    David Veltri @Veltrida

    i don’t wanna be rude, but i’ve gathered enough info in my life to know that people who like chunky peanut butter like to be choked during sex

  • Down For Whatever

    Down For Whatever

    I say “I’m down for whatever” a lot for someone who is down for maybe 3 things and one of those is napping and another is sleeping

  • Holiday Traditions We Actually Need Most

    The Top 12 Holiday Traditions We Desperately Need

    12. Christmas Card Photoshop Day, thus rendering the family as semi-presentable to the general public.

    11. “Touched by an Angel” coulda made us a Hanukah special, I’m just sayin’.

    10. Being able to punch people who brag about being done with holiday shopping before December 20th.

    9. Family gathered around the Yuletide table, together agreeing, “‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ SUCKED.”

    8. Making Yule logs out of compressed and dried members of your Congressional delegation.

    7. To save time, movie theater concession stands will serve Chinese food.

    6. Egg nog car wash.

    5. We really should call that “footballey-eatey” day before Black Friday something special.

    4. Christmas bramble-themed decorating where all the tangled lights can just be dumped on the front lawn.

    3. Living Nativity entirely comprised of chimpanzees.

    2. A red Christmas ball gag for that loud, annoying relative who just won’t shut up about the President’s birth certificate.

    And the Number One Holiday Tradition We Desperately Need…

    1. Mistletoe is for kissing. So let’s raise the stakes a little under the “Cameltoe.”

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  • Ctrl Situation

    Ctrl Situation

    WORLD OF ENGINEERING

    Ctrl Situation

  • Clutches Her Purse

    Clutches Her Purse

    Instagram: S.grate @sgrate_

    The most offensive thing as a black man is when you walkin down the street and a old white woman clutches her purse… bitch really think she stronger than me

  • Introvert Uber Driver

    Introvert Uber Driver

    me, an introvert

    the uber driver who didn’t talk the entire ride

  • Miley Cyrus Home Depot

    Miley Cyrus Home Depot

    mikerocks182 1 week ago

    When Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music.” When I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot.”

    Reply · 42

  • Really Useful IRS Website

    If the IRS wanted to put something really useful on their website, how about a list of countries that don’t have an extradition treaty with the U.S.?

  • Dick Lick Springs

    Dick Lick Springs

    DICK LICK SPRINGS 13

    geeTrish.com

  • Alive With the Sound of Muzak

    Nothing sours my holiday mood like surly people at the mall, especially ones who are unimpressed by my jubilant proclamation that my groin is alive with the sound of Muzak.