Anything unrelated to pachyderms is irrelephant.
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Consumer tip: Don’t waste your money on a futon.
Consumer tip: Don’t waste your money on a futon. *Any* sofa can be turned into a bed if you have a chainsaw, some wood screws and twenty feet of bailing wire.
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Vomit is simply nature’s way of allowing children who are too young to speak to let you
Vomit is simply nature’s way of allowing children who are too young to speak to let you know they don’t like the carpeting.
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In stand-up comedy, there exist only two time frames: the present and “the other day,”
In stand-up comedy, there exist only two time frames: the present and “the other day,” when everything always happens.
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It seems everybody in my town calls me “the stranger.”
It seems everybody in my town calls me “the stranger.” I’ll bet they wouldn’t say that if they knew me better.
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It’s OK to frequently quote the saying: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over
It’s OK to frequently quote the saying: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results,” as long as you don’t expect anything to change as a result of doing it.
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Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose.
Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose. Which is why I prefer the word “freedom” -– it saves time and effort!
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Turns out it’s actually okay to yell “Fire!”
Turns out it’s actually okay to yell “Fire!” in a crowded theatre, as long as there really *is* a fire in the theatre. I just wish the fire chief and coroner had explained that to me without all of the rude name-calling and swear words.
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I asked the waitress, “Which came first: the chicken salad or the egg salad?”
I asked the waitress, “Which came first: the chicken salad or the egg salad?” At which point she gave me a look suggesting, either way, it will be served with a side order of her saliva.
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I believe I’ve finally mastered the metric system!
I believe I’ve finally mastered the metric system! “Big deal,” you say, but for me, it’s a major kilometerstone.
