Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone. And frankly, the money to be had by blackmailing the agriculture and tourism industries outweighs my gut-level revulsion at having a weather-controlling freakazoid girlfriend.
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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They say that unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes.
They say that unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes. But it’s not really that bad if the bitch in front of you has a great ass.
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My girlfriend and I had a really nasty fight, but afterward we had amazing makeup sex:
My girlfriend and I had a really nasty fight, but afterward we had amazing makeup sex: She hooked up with her ex while I hired a prostitute.
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Can’t find your way to the Apple store?
Can’t find your way to the Apple store? There’s a map for that!
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It’s the little things that make life truly worth living.
It’s the little things that make life truly worth living. For example: starting and ending the day with the same number of teeth.
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The proverb “Good fences make good neighbors” began to make perfect sense when I went to
The proverb “Good fences make good neighbors” began to make perfect sense when I went to my neighbor Frank’s pawn shop to try to get some quick cash for that jewelry I stole.
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When you’re saving for retirement, it’s important to diversify.
When you’re saving for retirement, it’s important to diversify. Example: I have 33% of my savings in stocks, 33% in bonds and 34% in Chuck E. Cheese game tokens. I plan on whacking a ton of moles and playing a buttload of skee ball in my golden years.
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I’m happy to report that while the steaks at my neighborhood bistro are indeed
I’m happy to report that while the steaks at my neighborhood bistro are indeed hormone-free, the waitresses are decidedly not.
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How about a compromise: Everybody leave the toilet seat at 45 degrees.
How about a compromise: Everybody leave the toilet seat at 45 degrees.
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I was invited to join a flash mob recently at a local mall.
I was invited to join a flash mob recently at a local mall. I guess I misunderstood the entire concept, but I’m just grateful they never asked me to take off my trench coat.
