A money belt is a great way to keep your valuables safe from muggers. If you own any antique furniture, you might want to get an extra-large money belt with built-in back support.
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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I can’t catch a break.
I can’t catch a break. Last year I won a million dollars in the lottery and got so excited I went through two million dollars worth of Depends.
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I prefer not to recount the details of my youthful indiscretions.
I prefer not to recount the details of my youthful indiscretions. I don’t want to set a bad example for the young people of today, but mainly I’m not exactly sure when the statute of limitations expires.
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Darcy’s First Theorem of Parking Effort: The longer you are willing to drive around a
Darcy’s First Theorem of Parking Effort: The longer you are willing to drive around a crowded parking lot trying to find an even closer space, the bigger your butt is.
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In my opinion, if you’re Public Enemy Number 2,000,000,000 or greater, they should
In my opinion, if you’re Public Enemy Number 2,000,000,000 or greater, they should probably just remove you from the list altogether.
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After I won the lottery, my family and friends told me they’re worried I might not be
After I won the lottery, my family and friends told me they’re worried I might not be mature enough to handle all that money wisely and end up just blowing it on something stupid. That’s total nonsense. Besides, what do I care what they think? I’m lighting my farts with hundred-dollar bills!
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You know you need to get out of the house when you start to refer to yourself as a
You know you need to get out of the house when you start to refer to yourself as a “diaper-half-full” kind of guy.
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Johnny Depp advised me to always namedrop, even if I have to lie about knowing the person.
Johnny Depp advised me to always namedrop, even if I have to lie about knowing the person.
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I awoke and saw a host of winged angels before me.
I awoke and saw a host of winged angels before me. At first I was afraid and thought, “Is this is the end?” But I wanted to go with them, for they were truly beautiful to behold. And then I realized I’d fallen asleep with the TV on and had woken up during a Victoria’s Secret commercial.
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Sometimes I need to remind myself that I’m not 18 anymore.
Sometimes I need to remind myself that I’m not 18 anymore. And other times, the paramedics do it for me.
