Joke Type: observational

Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

You know you’re getting old when, each time you order wine at a restaurant, you find

You know you’re getting old when, each time you order wine at a restaurant, you find yourself sounding more and more like Thurston Howell III.
As a Type B personality, sometimes I wonder why *we* can’t be named Type A.

As a Type B personality, sometimes I wonder why *we* can’t be named Type A. Then again, I guess it isn’t worth getting stressed about.
“Wheel of Fortune” Ancient Egypt Week: “Is there anything that looks like two birds

“Wheel of Fortune” Ancient Egypt Week: “Is there anything that looks like two birds trying to kill a snake, Pat?”
The difference between a cat and a dog: One acts like he can’t possibly live without

The difference between a cat and a dog: One acts like he can’t possibly live without you; the other acts like he would be willing to give it a shot.
Something must be fu#$ed up with my Life Alert notifications.

Something must be fu#$ed up with my Life Alert notifications. I keep getting messages from Keith Richards saying he’s out of Jack Daniel’s.
I’m not much for Disney on Ice, but if they ever make a Disney on Fire, I’m so there.

I’m not much for Disney on Ice, but if they ever make a Disney on Fire, I’m so there.
Puppy playdate?

Puppy playdate? At our place? Great idea! Why, just the other day, I was remarking to the wife that we dont have nearly enough dogs pooping in our backyard.
I’m not a coffee guy, so I’m never sure what to order at Starbucks.

I’m not a coffee guy, so I’m never sure what to order at Starbucks. Today I got the Vanilla Blonde Roast, because I really like all three of those separately.
I’m never quite certain just how to celebrate Ambiguity Awareness Day.

I’m never quite certain just how to celebrate Ambiguity Awareness Day.
“Imagine there’s no Heather.

“Imagine there’s no Heather. It’s easy if you try.” Those are fun breakup song lyrics for .17% of the population, according to census data.