Joke Type: observational

Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

I think God made a deal with cats and dogs. They got the ability

I think God made a deal with cats and dogs. They got the ability to lick their privates in exchange for having to lick their own butts clean.
This morning I was licking a delicious Tootsie Roll and thought

This morning I was licking a delicious Tootsie Roll and thought to myself, “Who cares how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center? It’s the licking for hours I’m good at and enjoy so much.”
In high school, I used to hold a notebook in front of my

In high school, I used to hold a notebook in front of my appendage to hide the wood I was sporting. Now that I’m older and more mature, I throw a parade in its honor.
I never follow fashion trends. The way I see it is if the

I never follow fashion trends. The way I see it is if the fashion industry is too afraid to show off their new paisley butt-plug, who needs their opinions?
I just know there’s some guy at Google’s safe search department

I just know there’s some guy at Google’s safe search department whose job it is to develop software that recognizes, tags and isolates images of nipples. FML.
Careful of your spelling when you Google. There’s a fine line

Careful of your spelling when you Google. There’s a fine line between “Virginia” and “Vagina” in your search results. And most of the “Virginia” links are really boring.
Vajayjay. Hoo-ha. Honey pot. Love canal. Man, at the rate they

Vajayjay. Hoo-ha. Honey pot. Love canal. Man, at the rate they keep coming up with new names for lady-parts, I’ll never graduate from medical school.
You know how schoolkids love that cool magic trick where, with

You know how schoolkids love that cool magic trick where, with some sleight of hand, you make it look like you’re breaking off your finger, then — voila! — it’s back on again? Well, it turns out it’s not as popular when you try it with your penis.
Breasts would be so much less interesting if it weren’t for

Breasts would be so much less interesting if it weren’t for nipples. I must concede, however, that they would STILL be breasts.
I hate it when people tell my boyfriend, “You’re so lucky to

I hate it when people tell my boyfriend, “You’re so lucky to have such a cute, funny girlfriend.” Have they not noticed the tits?!