Joke Type: observational

Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

You know how they say “Turn your head and cough”?

You know how they say “Turn your head and cough”? That is so they don’t get germs in your face. At least that’s how the guy in my bus station does it. /@b0nrmunky
Olympic trivia time.

Olympic trivia time. It’s called “Skeleton” because “We’re not Luge pussies who go down the run feet-first” was determined to be unwieldy.
Don’t get me wrong, I love watching kids grow up.

Don’t get me wrong, I love watching kids grow up. It’s just that some of them are creeped out by a guy staring at the top of their heads. /@b0nrmunky
My robot doesn’t think he evolved from a computer; he thinks he was created whole by an

My robot doesn’t think he evolved from a computer; he thinks he was created whole by an engineer.
When the dude banging on my door yelled “Is that my wife in there?”

When the dude banging on my door yelled “Is that my wife in there?” I had to ask “What’s her name?” Hey, with 4 billion women on the planet, what were the odds?
“12 Years a Slave” for Best Picture?

“12 Years a Slave” for Best Picture? Great, now I’m going to have to stumble through parties pretending to have seen it for about that long.
Aluminum foil is a poor stand-in for toilet paper, but sometimes a change is nice.

Aluminum foil is a poor stand-in for toilet paper, but sometimes a change is nice.
My tree is still up, but we took the ornaments off, so technically it’s no longer a

My tree is still up, but we took the ornaments off, so technically it’s no longer a Christmas tree. Anyone know where I can get Easter ornaments?
I have a fetish for women’s lingerie.

I have a fetish for women’s lingerie. Come to think of it, I have a fetish for just about anything that has a naked lady inside it. /@b0nrmunky
Okay, I can see how calling it “stabby fun time” could be creepy, but I don’t think it’s

Okay, I can see how calling it “stabby fun time” could be creepy, but I don’t think it’s any creepier than your calling it “making love.”