Observational Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Weird how people always say something bad smells like raw

Weird how people always say something bad smells like raw sewage, as if cooked sewage doesn’t smell like shit.

The theme of every fair or carnival with rides and fixed games should be “Fucking with Physics.”

You can tell how puritanical this country is by the fact that Hallmark doesn’t make a “Happy Felllated Birthday” card.

During my sermon last Sunday, there was lots of screaming, shitting and masturbating. Last time I preach to monkeys at the zoo.

Dance in the School for the Blind’s talent show like nobody’s watching.

I’ve championed a lot of great Twitter accounts with only a few followers and watched as they grew and surpassed my own, some by thousands. Assholes.

“I don’t wanna sound like a dick, buuuut…” is how I begin 94% of my conversations.

These funeral ushers are not fucking around with the one free balloon per mourner limit.

Why do they call them potholes, man? You can’t blame bud for that shit. *massive bong rip*

I bet it’s really hard to get a great parking space at the Special Olympics.