Joke Type: observational

Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

They call it a smoothie but it’s got chunks in it. This is bullshit

They call it a smoothie but it’s got chunks in it. This is bullshit!
I thought my goldfish would thank me for the pizza crusts but

I thought my goldfish would thank me for the pizza crusts but they just got all wobbly like they didn’t give a fuck.
I can say “Go die in a fire, you piece of trash” but not “I

I can say “Go die in a fire, you piece of trash” but not “I fucking love these Froot Loops.”
You know what’s a stupid color? Orange. It’s like red and yellow

You know what’s a stupid color? Orange. It’s like red and yellow had a deformed little abortion. Fuck you, orange.
It’s daylight savings time! Don’t forget to not shut the fuck up

It’s daylight savings time! Don’t forget to not shut the fuck up about how the time change has really “thrown you off” for the next 2 weeks!
TSA should create a position where the only responsibility is

TSA should create a position where the only responsibility is telling college kids who sleep on the floor by a gate that they’re fucking slobs.
(B0nrMunky) There should be a horse at the Kentucky Derby named,

(B0nrMunky) There should be a horse at the Kentucky Derby named, “Your Wife Looks Like A Stuck Up Cunt In That Hat.”
Hi kids. In case you’re wondering what it’s like to be an adult,

Hi kids. In case you’re wondering what it’s like to be an adult, my mom called and yelled at me for typing “fuck” on the Internet. I’m 38.
If you’re walking around carrying a sack of your dog’s shit, the

If you’re walking around carrying a sack of your dog’s shit, the dog has already won.
So, are we just going to pretend that Disney’s “BFG” movie isn’t

So, are we just going to pretend that Disney’s “BFG” movie isn’t trying to subliminally sneak the word “fuck” into a kids’ movie title?