NEED CASH FOR ALCOHOL RESEARCH
Joke Type: self-deprecating
Self-deprecating jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
-
When Women Make Gay Men Question Everything
Two gay men are beach walking, holding hands when a beautiful woman passes them. She’s 5’10”, 38-24-36, with a string bikini on and no tan lines!
The first gay man turns to his friend, sighs audibly, and in a breathless whisper says, “It’s women like her that sometimes make me wish I was a Lesbian!”
-
Delicate Hand-Eye Skills
I often wonder if I would be in my current profession if I hadn’t developed my delicate hand-eye skills as a child playing “Operation.” Probably not, since the boss would have fired me long ago for ruining all those keyboards because of stray peanut bits falling off of my Salted Nut Roll.
-
500 Votes Per Boob
Well, another election in my household has passed and the results are in: The Sex-Every-Sunday Referendum was defeated soundly, 1000-1. I knew agreeing to the 500-vote-per-boob Electoral College would come back to haunt me.
-
Football in the Background
I was a cameraman in Dallas for three years before I realized that they have a football game in the background of all those cheerleader performances.
-
The Space Program
If they ever start taking civilians into the space program, I’ll be the first to sign up. Not because I’m into science or exploring or stuff, but because I owe a lot of money to some really mean dudes in Jersey.
-
Never Really That Into Her
So sad news, my girlfriend broke up with me for having a small penis.
It’s OK… I was never really that into her.
-
Asshole Always Hurts
ME: I don’t understand why my Asshole always hurts.
Also ME: (spicy food and priest collage)
