Setup-punchline jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
Two queers were enjoying a pleasant round of golf when a foursome of Hell’s Angels began hitting into them from behind. One queer finally becomes angry and turns to his partner,”If those big bad boys hit into us one more time, Seymour, you fall down and act like the ball hit you very very hard in the head. We’ll just sue those naughty boys.”
“First,” said the playboy, “I’m going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose.”
“Oh no you’re not,” said the girl.
“Then I’ll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks.”
“Oh no you’re not.”
“Then I’ll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks.”
“Oh no you’re not.”
“Then I’m going to make violent, passionate love to you.”
“Oh no you’re not.”
“And I’m not going to wear a condom either!” said the guy.
“Oh yes you are!” said the girl
The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. “I demand proper manners in bed,” she declared, “just as I do at the dinner table.”
Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. “Is that better?” he asked, with a hint of a smile.
“Yes,” replied the young woman, “much better.”
“Very good, darling,” the husband whispered. “Now would you be so kind as to please pass the pussy?”
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.
“Does your wife ever … well, you know … does she … well, let you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two.
“Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s into the dog trick aspect of it.”
“Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?”
“Well… not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead.”
A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife doesn’t want to have sex with him for the last 7 months. The doc tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
So the wife comes into the doctor’s office and the doctor asks her what’s wrong and why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband anymore. The wife tells him, “For the last 7 months every morning I take a cab to work. I don’t have any money so the cab driver asks me, ‘So are you going to pay today or what?’ so I take a ‘or what’. When I get to work I’m late so the boss asks me, ‘So are we going to write this down in the book or what?’ so I take a ‘or what’. Back home again I take the cab and again I don’t have any money so the cab driver asks me again, ‘So are you going to pay this time or what?’ so again I take a ‘or what’. So you see doc when I get home I’m all tired out, and I don’t want it any more.”
The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says, “So are we going to tell your husband or what?”
After five years on the wagon, my friend Natasha started hitting the bottle again. I just have to remember that it’s a sickness, not a weakness, to be addicted to artificially blonde hair.
A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him. So the first morning of her honeymoon when the young Japanese bride crawled out of the bed after making love, she stooped down to pick up her husband’s clothes and accidentally let out a big fart. She looked up, smiled at him, and said:
