Joke Type: sexual innuendo

Sexual innuendo jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

the blank in the adage, “Absence makes the _____ grow _____.”

the blank in the adage, “Absence makes the _____ grow _____.” Turned out that my reply “penis” and “harder” was not the correct one.
At parties, people always ask doctors to look at their rash,

At parties, people always ask doctors to look at their rash, plumbers to look at their clogged drain, or investment bankers for stock tips. I wonder if porn stars have people pestering them at parties to pretend to deliver pizza or make that fuck-face look they all do on the DVD covers. I know I would.
Don’t you hate it when you’re masturbating to Christine

Don’t you hate it when you’re masturbating to Christine O’Donnell and just about to cum and Rosie O’Donnell pops into your head?
To be perfectly honest, sometimes when I say I want to make

To be perfectly honest, sometimes when I say I want to make love, I really just want to fuck.
I have a feeling that if a company ever marketed a product

I have a feeling that if a company ever marketed a product called “Bag o’ Titties,” guys would find a way to sneak one into the shopping cart.
The thing I like best about being a professional carpet layer is

The thing I like best about being a professional carpet layer is when some housewife naively asks me to make sure that the carpet matches the drapes.
I gave a presentation today in front of 50 people and ended up

I gave a presentation today in front of 50 people and ended up doing a power puke into the garbage can next to the podium. I was later reprimanded by my boss, who told me a real woman would have swallowed.
I’m terrible at remembering sayings. I can usually come close,

I’m terrible at remembering sayings. I can usually come close, but close only counts in haircuts and handjobs.
When I told my wife I was interested in a threesome, she said

When I told my wife I was interested in a threesome, she said she “didn’t know what to do with that information.” Okay, Honey, let me help: Tell your hairdresser we want to fuck her seven ways to Sunday.
The good thing about my job in Staffing is that when I hire

The good thing about my job in Staffing is that when I hire people to fuck me, I can ask to re-interview them over and over.