Her: That thing is broken, it has stopped sucking.
Him: It must have gotten married.
Sexual innuendo jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

Her: That thing is broken, it has stopped sucking.
Him: It must have gotten married.
Nothing can burst your fatherly bubble faster than hearing your daughter come home from a date and saying, “Some nights I don’t know why I even bother to wear panties.”

Dr: you need to stop masturbating
Me: for how long?
Dr: at least until I finish your prostate exam
Me: fair enough

Her: My lips are so dry
Him: Doesn’t that hurt when you walk?
Her: What?
Him: What?
A man picks up a prostitute and is headed for the motel. She just cannot stop talking about how awesome her pussy is. They get to the motel room and undress.
To demonstrate, she says to him, “Put a finger in.” He puts a finger in.
“Put two fingers in.” He puts two fingers in.
“Put four fingers in.” He does.
“Put your hand in.” He does.
“Put your other hand in.” He does.
“Now, clap!”
He tries and tries, but cannot clap.
She says, “Tight, isn’t it?”