Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Parking fine
A traffic cop went to the trouble of leaving a note under the wipers to let me know I’d positioned my car correctly…
It said, “Parking fine.” So that was nice. -
A Ford Oar two-door
Ford should make a coupe and call it the Oar.
It’d be a Ford Oar two-door. -
Those are just contractions
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.” -
He gave me a blank stair
When I told my contractor that I didn’t want any carpeted steps, he just gave me a blank stair.
-
Toast the bride and groom
Two slices of bread got married.
The wedding was amazing, until someone decided to toast the bride and groom. -
I would appreciate it as a worm
In my will, I’ve stated that I want my coffin to be made of aluminum foil and my body to be dipped in caramel and chocolate. I know that if I were someday reincarnated as a worm, I would appreciate it if someone had thought of that.
-
Kicking ass in the America’s Cup
A life-size Noah’s Ark is open to the public. I’m not sure if I believe the story about the ark kicking ass in the America’s Cup yacht races.
-
The Top 15 Songs of the Summer
15. Sunburning Down the House
14. Humidity for the Devil
13. Sweat, Caroline
12. In the Air Conditioning Tonight
11. Juice Box Hero
10. Happiness Is a Warm Sun
9. Burn! Burn! Burn!
8. The Fool on the Grill
7. Gimme Swelter
6. Bake It Off
5. This Is What You Shaved For
4. Tan by Your Man
3. Smells Like Hawaiian Tropic SPF 30
2. Rolling in the Deet
And the number one song of the summer…
1. Can’t Stop the Peeling
