What did Mary Poppins like for dinner?
Soup or ahi frozen fish sticks, ex peas, all delicious.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Radar Detector and the Tail Light
A man is tired of getting speeding tickets, so he buys a radar detector.
He’s speeding down the highway and suddenly the patrol car pulls up behind him and pulls him over. Detector never went off.
Pissed, he realizes maybe he should have bought a better one. He spends a bit more money and gets one that claims to have superior radar detection technology. It costs more, but if it saves him a ticket, it’s worth it.
Sure enough, within a week, he’s on the highway and the blue and red lights come on. Another ticket.
He can’t afford another point on his license, so he goes out and buys the most expensive, most highly rated radar detector he can find.
Within days the police show up behind him again. He’s furious. He pulls the detector out of the dash, gets out of the car and smashes it to bits on the ground, and is jumping up and down on the pieces. He sees the officer, standing and watching him.
“WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHY DON’T THESE POS DETECTORS WORK?”
Officer says, “Just wanted to let you know your left tail light is out.”
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The Hearing Aids and the Will
An elderly gentleman had suffered from serious hearing problems for years.
He finally went to a doctor and was fitted with a set of excellent hearing aids.
A month later, he returned for a checkup.
The doctor smiled and said, “Your hearing is perfect! Your family must be thrilled that you can hear again.”
The old man replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit there quietly and listen to their conversations.”
He smiled and added, “I’ve changed my will three times already.”
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All of the Letters I Had Hidden
My wife accused me of cheating after she found all of the letters I had hidden.
Now she refuses to play Scrabble with me.
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Billy Ray and the Bottom Deodorant
Billy Ray walks into Walgreens and asks the pharmacist for some “Bottom deodorant” for his bottom.
“Sorry, we don’t sell bottom deodorant,” the pharmacist replies, trying to keep from laughing.
“Yeah but I always buy it here,” Billy Ray says. “I bought one last month. My wife gets hers from here too!”
Curious, the pharmacist suggests, “Look, I don’t know what y’all bought before, but maybe you can bring in the empty one of what y’all had next time you come in.”
“Sure thing,” Billy Ray says. “I’ll bring it in tomorrow.”
The next day, Billy Ray walks into Walgreens again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick.
“This is just a normal deodorant,” the man tells Billy Ray. “To use under your arms.”
“Oh no it is not,” Billy Ray answers. “Look here where it says: TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.”
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Mrs Fire
I really miss Robin Williams. He was a legend!
Without a doubt my favorite movie of his was “Mrs Fire.”
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Being a Literalist
Being a literalist can sometimes be very helpful.
I can always respond to “Do these jeans make my ass look fat?” with a confident and honest “No.”
But I dread the day when she rephrases it as “Does my ass look fat in these jeans?”
