Sensitivity: Clean

Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • How Many Bars Do You Work At

    A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “I can’t serve you, you’ve had too much already.”

    The man sighs, leaves through the front door, walks around the corner, and enters through the side door. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says, “Look, buddy, I told you five minutes ago I can’t serve you.”

    The man leaves again, walks around the block, and comes in through the back door. He approaches the bar, looks the bartender dead in the eye, and asks for a drink.

    The bartender slams his hand on the counter and yells, “I told you, you’re cut off! Get out!”

    The man looks at him in utter disbelief and says, “My god, man, just how many bars do you work at?!”

  • Horse Walks Into A Bar Hey Sure

    Horse Walks Into A Bar Hey Sure

    Horse walks into a bar.

    Bartender: Hey.

    Horse: Sure.

  • Dont Fill Up On Bread Super Confusing

    Dont Fill Up On Bread Super Confusing

    Don’t hand me a basket of bread and then immediately be like “don’t fill up on bread,” that’s super confusing and I don’t need that stress in my life.

  • Muggy Out Today Sips Coffee From Bowl

    Muggy Out Today Sips Coffee From Bowl

    ME: honey, it’s really muggy out today
    WIFE: if I go outside & all our mugs are on the front lawn, I’m leaving u
    ME: *sips coffee from bowl*

  • Basketball Teams Could Score More Points Together

    Basketball Teams Could Score More Points Together

    if both basketball teams just worked together they could score so many more points

  • Spilled the Beans

    I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society.

    They really didn’t like it when I spilled the beans.

  • Keep Dreaming Buddy

    Called my boss this morning, asked him if I could come in late today because I’m super tired. He said, “Keep dreaming buddy.”

    Which was super nice and unexpected of him.

  • Absolute Game Changer

    I’ve recently switched from eating venison to eating pheasant.

    Absolute game changer.

  • A Blonde and Her BMW

    A blonde pulls her BMW into the parking lot of a mechanic’s shop because it was making some racket.

    The mechanic pops open the hood and tinkers around a bit.

    Blonde: “Well, what’s wrong with it?”

    Mechanic: “Ah, just crap in the engine.”

    Blonde: “How often do I have to do that?”

  • Her Mum Died Too

    A blonde goes to work in tears.

    Her boss asks, “What’s wrong?”
    She says, “My mum died.” He told her to go home, but she said, “No, I’ll be fine.”

    Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, “What’s wrong?” She replies, “I just talked to my sister, and her mum died, too!”