I wish they’d taught abstinence back when I was in school. I was so good at not getting laid back then, I would have screwed up the grading curve for the rest of the class.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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It’s not a loophole — it’s a policy flexibility assurance aperture.
It’s not a loophole — it’s a policy flexibility assurance aperture.
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When I went to leave my house today, there were so many birds outside that it was really
When I went to leave my house today, there were so many birds outside that it was really scary, like an Alfred Hitchcock movie. I can’t think of which one, though.
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I think it would be cool if they came out with an “Extreme Wonderbra,” where guys would
I think it would be cool if they came out with an “Extreme Wonderbra,” where guys would never know beforehand what was behind it — like a wolverine or a pizza.
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When I was a little kid we had a hamster.
When I was a little kid we had a hamster. One day the hamster ate its newborn babies. That was pretty gross, so we decided to just go ahead and get rid of it. We took it down the road and left it to fend for itself. It was a great lesson for a kid to learn, because I knew what to do 12 years later when the exact same thing happened with my sister.
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If you’re flying somewhere, don’t even think about sitting next to the pilot.
If you’re flying somewhere, don’t even think about sitting next to the pilot. Not only is that seat reserved for the co-pilot, but yelling “Shotgun!” in an airport pretty much guarantees they’re not going to let you on the plane.
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We all have regrets from time to time.
We all have regrets from time to time. I’m sure one day I’ll be lying on my deathbed wishing that I had just spent the extra money to get some other, better kind of bed.
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If you’re ever invited to a NAMBLA Halloween party, a good idea for a costume would be
If you’re ever invited to a NAMBLA Halloween party, a good idea for a costume would be to go as Dateline NBC’s Chris Hanson.
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Every day I wake up, it gives me comfort to realize that there’s at least one thing upon
Every day I wake up, it gives me comfort to realize that there’s at least one thing upon which all faiths and creeds around the world can agree: There are serious and obvious flaws in all religions except their own.
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Women can be so damned picky.
Women can be so damned picky. How was I supposed to know the chocolate hearts she wanted for Valentine’s Day were 100% chocolate and not just chocolate-filled *actual* hearts?
