My daughter and I were watching Star Wars. She asked why Luke was climbing inside the Tauntaun.
“To keep warm,” I said.
She thought about it for a second, then asked, “How warm is it in there?”
I looked at her and replied, “Lukewarm.”
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Keeping Em Awake
During church yesterday, the pastor was 10 minutes into his sermon when he noticed his 7-year-old son in the balcony with a pea-shooter. The boy was leaning over the railing, carefully aiming and popping members of the congregation in the head. Just as the pastor was about to stop his sermon and give his son a public scolding, the boy hollered out, “You just keep preaching, Dad! I’ll keep ’em awake!”
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The Tightest Man in Town
Old Mr. Patterson, the tightest man in town, was lying on his deathbed. As his final wish, he asked to be alone with his lawyer, his doctor, and his pastor.
“I know I can’t take it with me,” he whispered, “but I’m going to try.” He handed each man $150,000 and said, “Make sure this money goes in the casket with me.”
A few days after the funeral, the pastor cleared his throat at the diner, “With a heavy heart, I confess… I only put $100,000 in the casket.”
The doctor sighed and rubbed his temples, “Since we’re being honest, I only put in $80,000 myself.”
The lawyer slammed his coffee cup down in disgust, “You two ought to be ashamed of yourselves! Taking money from a dying man?” he huffed. “Am I the only honest one here?”
He pulled out his checkbook and waved it proudly, “I wrote him a check for the full $150,000!”
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Dis-Pear
Magician: “And for my next trick, I will disappear!”
Magician: *holds pear*
“You’re the worst fruit ever!”
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Great Man Terrible Lifeguard
My dad used to tell me that you can’t save anyone; they have to save themselves.
Great man. Terrible lifeguard.
