Sensitivity: Clean

Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • He Wanted to Maintain His Rank

    My father was an officer in the Army but he never showered.

    He wanted to maintain his rank.

  • The Jumbo Sausage

    I asked the hot dog seller, “Can I get a jumbo sausage?”

    He said, “Sure, won’t be long.”

    I said, “In that case, can I have two?”

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  • No But I Have a Boyfriend

    I finally worked up the courage to ask my blind coworker if she was currently seeing anyone.

    She said, “No, but I have a boyfriend.”

  • Baptists and Catholics at a Party

    Do you know how to keep a Baptist from drinking all your beer at a party?
    Invite two Baptists.

    Do you know how to stop a Catholic from drinking all your beer at a party?
    Neither do I.

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  • Rented a Tux for Dad

    This guy’s father dies, so he goes to the undertaker and tells him he wants the best of everything for his father. The funeral is absolutely beautiful, and the guy is extremely pleased.

    The next day, the guy gets a bill for $16,085, and he pays it. The next month, he gets another bill for $85. He figures it’s just a little supplementary bill, so he pays that, too.

    Next month, another bill for $85 arrives, so he calls up the undertaker and says, “I keep getting these bills for 85 dollars. I thought I paid for the funeral already.”

    The undertaker says, “Well, you said you wanted the best for your father, so I rented him a tux.”

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  • To Scale or To Look At

    My dad just finished making a model of Mount Everest.

    I asked him if it was to scale… He said, “No, it’s to look at.”

  • Jokes About Retired People

    I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.

  • Won’t = Wo Not

    Quick tip for those who are struggling with English:

    Don’t = Do not

    Won’t = Wo not

    Stay tuned for more tips.

  • A Pirated Copy

    My friend said his favorite Star Wars quote was, “Aargh Luke, ye scurvy dog, I be yer father.”

    I think he got a pirated copy.

  • The Blonde and the River

    A blonde was staring dumbfounded at a rushing river blocking her path. As she wondered how to cross, she saw another blonde on the other side.

    She yelled, “Hey, can you help me get to the other side?”

    The other blonde replied, “You ARE on the other side!”

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