The worst part about going to night school to get my college education was ending up with an 8:00 class and having to drag my sleepy ass out of bed by 7:00 PM.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Makeup Sex
My girlfriend surprised me the other day by suggesting we should have makeup sex, then for some reason she screamed and slammed the door on me when I showed up in my Gene Simmons KISS costume. Needless to say, we’re fighting again.
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Seatbelt Didn’t Deploy
Today I was injured when I wrecked my car. I’m not sure what went wrong — I was wearing my airbag, but the seatbelt didn’t deploy.
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Best Invention Since Sliced Bread
A good, sharp knife has got to be the best invention since sliced bread.
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Call the Exterminator
Sometimes I look outside my window and think, “Those people look like ants from here.” But then I realize I live on the first floor, and I really need to call the exterminator.
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Free Psychic Reading
When I responded to an ad for a free psychic reading, she told me I was the type of person who wants something for nothing. How could she possibly know that?
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Giant Robotic Parrot
If I had a nickel for every time someone told me that my idea for melting down coins to make a giant robotic parrot was a bad idea, I would have one kickass giant robotic parrot.
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Neckwear for an Octopus
When choosing neckwear for an octopus, a bow tie is the way to go. A long tie is just likely to get tangled in the tentacles. Plus, most octopi believe that a bow tie makes them look like eccentric intellectuals rather than slimy cephalopods.
