When I was in my twenties, not shaving for a few days gave me a cool Don Johnson/Miami Vice look. Now that I’m in my forties, though, it tends to make me look more like Otis from Mayberry.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Good Luck Mr Gorsky
Astronaut Neil Armstrong’s enigmatic remark ‘Good luck, Mr. Gorsky’ during the Apollo mission has puzzled many for years.
When asked about it decades later, Armstrong finally revealed the story behind his mysterious words.
As a kid, Armstrong was playing baseball in his backyard when a fly ball landed near his neighbor’s window.
The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he overheard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at her husband, ‘Oral sex? You’ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!’
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Cider for the Pain
A little girl came running into the house bawling her eyes out and cradling her hand: “Mummy, quick! Get me a glass of cider!” she wailed.
“Why do you want a glass of cider?” asked her mom.
“I cut my hand on a thorn, and I want the pain to go away!”
Confused, but weary of the child’s whining, the mother obliged and poured her a glass of cider. The little girl immediately dunked her hand in it.
“Ouch! It still hurts! This cider doesn’t work!” she whined.
“What are you talking about?” asked her increasingly perplexed parent, “What ever made you think that cider would ease your pain?”
“Well, I overheard my big sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can’t wait to get it in cider.”
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Renaissance Faire Riot
A riot broke out at the local Renaissance Faire. Things got pretty ugly, but luckily the authorities intervened before anyone could start luting.
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Bounce a Quarter Off My Ass
I’ve worked hard to get to the point where you can now bounce a quarter off my ass. Well, to clarify, I meant a Quarter Pounder with cheese, and I’ll probably snatch it from you on the return trajectory.
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Flyers Game Priceless
Front Row Seats to Flyers Game: $145.00
Replica Hockey Jersey: $225.00
Beers and Hot Dogs: $22.00
Picture of you and your friend acting like a couple of FAGS in Sports Illustrated: PRICELESS
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Delicate Hand-Eye Skills
I often wonder if I would be in my current profession if I hadn’t developed my delicate hand-eye skills as a child playing “Operation.” Probably not, since the boss would have fired me long ago for ruining all those keyboards because of stray peanut bits falling off of my Salted Nut Roll.
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Hypnotize a Cat
Cats aren’t so damn superior. Heck, you can easily hypnotize one by dangling a shiny object in front of its eyes and giving it tuna… giving it tuna… must give the cat some tuna….
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Deluxe Magic Hat
My wife thinks that TV is a big waste of time, but I just learned something that’s sure to change her mind: When buying a magic hat for the kid’s snowman, spring for the deluxe version that keeps the snowman from melting when the temperature goes above freezing.
