Yet another manifestation of the Creator’s wicked sense of humor: MY genitalia does not get 25% larger each time we have a kid.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I’m thinking about getting a nose job.
I’m thinking about getting a nose job. I’ll smell anything for money.
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When I visited sick kids as a baseball player, I always promised them I’d hit one or two
When I visited sick kids as a baseball player, I always promised them I’d hit one or two bars before the game and knock down a few beers.
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I bet it pisses off the Lenape Indians when they see how many beads drunk girls get at
I bet it pisses off the Lenape Indians when they see how many beads drunk girls get at Mardi Gras just for showing their tits.
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I tried to drop acid once, but got mixed up and took LDS instead.
I tried to drop acid once, but got mixed up and took LDS instead. Now I’ve got six wives and am spending all my time trying to recruit. BAD TRIP. /@rmfnord
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Life is constantly screwing with me.
Life is constantly screwing with me. The day before yesterday, it gave me lemons. Yesterday it gave me tequila. Then today it gave me Splenda. WTF am I supposed to do with Splenda?
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I wouldn’t object to being conscious during brain surgery, as long as someone told me
I wouldn’t object to being conscious during brain surgery, as long as someone told me where to cut.
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My dentist asked me if I had a problem with my gums bleeding.
My dentist asked me if I had a problem with my gums bleeding. You’d have to be really laid back not to have a problem with something like that.
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How do you know the Pinterest website is targeted at women and not men?
How do you know the Pinterest website is targeted at women and not men? Because it isn’t called Pornterest.
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My girlfriend and I decided to introduce a little role-playing in the bedroom to spice
My girlfriend and I decided to introduce a little role-playing in the bedroom to spice things up a bit. Last night I was Forrest Gump and she was Larry the Cable Guy.
