I said to my son, “I need a battery so I can tell the time.”
He asked, “Is it for a clock?”
I answered, “I don’t know. That’s why I need the battery!”
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Neurosurgeon Girlfriend
I had to break up with my neurosurgeon girlfriend. She was messing with my head.
-
The Sax
I really want to break up with my jazz musician girlfriend, but I can’t.
The sax is too good.
-
Cold Calls
Someone just called my phone and sneezed, coughed, and then hung up.
I’m getting sick of these cold calls.
-
Eclipse Colander
I was told I could look at the eclipse through a colander.
I tried it, but it strained my eyes.
-
My Client Is Trapped Inside a Penny – He’s in a Cent – You’re Going to Jail With Him
Lawyer: my client is trapped inside a penny
Judge: what?
Lawyer: he’s in a cent
Judge: you’re going to jail with him
@baptain_brunch
-
Can You Take Our Picture? Move a Little to Your Right… Perfect
couple: “can you take our picture?”
me: “sure. can you move a little to your right? a little more. perfect.”
-
Dr. B. Gee – Presumably Good at Helping People Stay Alive
PRESUMABLY GOOD AT HELPING PEOPLE STAY ALIVE
Dr. B. Gee.
-
How Is Beauty and the Beast a Tale as Old as Time? A Lady Hooks Up With a Big Dog and All the Candles Start Talking
how is beauty and the beast a “tale as old as time”? a lady hooks up with a big dog, and all the candles in the house start talking? I hope that hasn’t happened before
-
Dog Food Lid Backwards Is Dildo of God – Skeletor Will Return Next Week
“DOG FOOD LID” BACKWARDS IS “DILDO OF GOD”.
SKELETOR WILL RETURN NEXT WEEK WITH MORE DISTURBING FACTS
