Clean Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

She Was a Mathmachicken

I had a hen who could count her own eggs.

She was a mathmachicken.

I called the tinnitus hotline yesterday.

It just kept ringing.

Did you hear that the CEO of Ikea was just elected president of Sweden?

He is still assembling his cabinet.

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?

They’re making headlines everywhere!

What is the funeral director’s favourite drink?

He can’t start his day without his mourning coffee.

Cliff was born for this job.

CLIFF HANGER
Rock Climbing Instructor
BBC BREAKFAST

Banks should do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled.

This is the fifth one I’ve been to that says Insufficient Funds.

The sign on the door said, “PRESS.”

So I did.

The door opened…

And the room was full of journalists.

Doctor: “I’m afraid you have a bad case of onomatopoeia.”

Patient: “What’s that?”

Doctor: “I’m afraid it’s exactly what it sounds like.”

It’s probably not safe for me to be driving right now.

But, hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.