Sensitivity: PG-13

Pg-13 humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • I Cant Do That

    Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup. As he is being looked over, the doctor asks about his stuttering. After considerable effort, he was able to tell the doctor that it started shortly after reaching puberty. The doctor asks him to drop his pants and underwear, at which point he sees the patient has an exceptionally large member. The doctor picks it up and asks the man if he feels any better. The patient clearly replies with no stutter that he feels great. The doctor tells him the weight is putting stress on his diaphragm, making it hard to move air in and out of his lungs, causing the stutter. The doctor says he can correct the problem but will have to replace his manhood with a smaller but still functional penis. The guy agrees to have it done because he is tired of the looks and insults he gets from strangers.

    A couple days later he storms into the doctor’s office and, with perfect diction, asks the doctor to give back his old penis or his girlfriend will leave him.

    The doctor replies, “I-I-I-I’m s-s-s-so sorry. I-I-I c-c-ca-can-can’t do that.”

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  • Learn to Write With Your Other Hand

    A teacher sternly informs her class that no excuse, from a papercut to the plague, is acceptable for missing a final exam.

    When students suggest scenarios like car issues or roadblocks, she tells them to walk or find a detour.

    Finally, a student asks what to do in the case of “extreme sexual exhaustion”?

    To which the teacher deadpans, “You’ll just have to learn to write with your other hand.”

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  • Jesus Doesn’t Drink

    Why doesn’t Jesus drink?

    Because the last time he got hammered, it took him 3 days to recover.

  • A Crusty Bus Station

    What’s the difference between a crab with breast implants and a transportation terminal?

    One’s a crusty bus station.

  • One Snatches Watches

    What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

    One snatches watches.

  • Cunning Stunts

    What’s the difference between a magician’s wand and a policeman’s taser?

    The magician’s wand is for cunning stunts.

  • Look Like The Rock Easter Island

    Look Like The Rock Easter Island

  • Dad I’m Over Here

    My dad said, “Son, if you masturbate too much you’ll go blind.”

    And I was like, “Dad, I’m over here.”