Sensitivity: PG-13

Pg-13 humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Rollerblades in Heaven

    Three guys die in a car crash and are standing at heaven’s gates to get in.

    The first guy walks up to the gates. The angel says, “How many times have you cheated on your wife?” He replies, “I’ve never cheated on my wife.” The angel says, “Here are the keys to your Mercedes-Benz. Take them, drive through the gate, and have everlasting happiness.”

    The second guy walks up to the gates. The angel says, “How many times have you cheated on your wife?” He replies, “Two, maybe three times.” The angel says, “Here are the keys to your Honda Civic. Take them, drive through the gates, and have everlasting happiness.”

    The third guy walks up to the gates. The angel says, “How many times have you cheated on your wife?” He says, “Oh God, I have no clue, I can’t remember.” The angel says, “Here are the keys to your Ford Pinto. Take them, drive through the gates, and have everlasting happiness.”

    Later on, the second and the third guy come across the first guy who never cheated on his wife. And he’s sitting on the hood of his car crying. They said, “What’s wrong? You have a beautiful car, you’re in heaven, and you have everlasting happiness. Why are you crying?”

    He replied, “I just saw my wife go by on a pair of rollerblades.”

  • I Never Got This Far Before

    One bright and cheery Saturday morning, a man hears a knock at his front door and answers it.

    The stranger says, “Hello. I’m a Jehovah’s Witness, and I am here to enlighten you with some inspirational religious stories.”

    After a quick thought, the homeowner says, “Well, come on in.” He takes the stranger to the living room. “Please have a seat and let me bring you a cup of coffee.”

    Upon returning with a freshly brewed cup, he says to the stranger, “Now, what about these stories you have to enlighten me with?”

    The Jehovah’s Witness says, “Fuck if I know. I never got this far before.”

  • If It Gets Any Worse I’ll Have to Let Her In

    Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the window.

    If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.