The doctor walked in for my vasectomy consultation and said, “Now THIS is what I call a beautiful penis!”
Then he zipped up his pants and asked me to undress for the exam.
Sensitivity: Questionable
Questionable humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Beating Around the Bush at the Brothel
A man goes to a brothel where they line up 10 naked women for him to choose from at the cost of $1000. Nine are very unattractive to the man, but off to the side he sees the most beautiful young woman who also has the hairiest vagina he has ever seen, but was holding up a $500 sign that said no oral or penetration.
“What’s the deal with her?” the man asked, still intrigued.
“With her you can only beat around the bush.”
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Two Medical Students Diagnose an Old Man Walking Stiff-Legged
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend: “I’m sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that.”
The other student says: “No, I don’t think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class.”
Since they couldn’t agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, “We’re medical students and couldn’t help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn’t agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?”
The old man said, “I’ll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think.”
The first student said, “I think it’s Peltry Syndrome.”
The old man said, “You thought — but you are wrong.”
The other student said, “I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome.”
The old man said, “You thought — but you are wrong.”
So they asked him, “Well, old timer, what do you have?”
The old man said, “I thought it was gas — but I was wrong, too!”
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Overnight Flight Lavatory
A man and a woman are on board of the plane of an overnight flight.
“Looks like everyone’s asleep, let’s go…”
Sound of footsteps.
“There’s a free one right there. No one’s looking, you go in first.”
“It’s a bit tight… let me sit down. Did you bring a condom? Put it on, quick!”
Loud heavy breathing.
“Oh, my god… it’s amazing.”
A long, drawn-out sigh.
A hissing sound over the intercom, followed by a voice: “This is the captain speaking. I am addressing the two passengers who have locked themselves in the rear lavatory. We know what you’re doing in there, and it is strictly prohibited by airline regulations. Ditch the cigarettes and take the condom off the smoke detector!”
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Barbie Really Squirts
Barbie really squirts
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Maybe If I Fart on Him
Maybe if I fart on him
He’ll stop poking me with it -
5 Miles in 30 Seconds
DURING SEX YOU BURN AS MUCH CALORIES AS RUNNING FOR 5 MILES.
WHO THE FUCK RUNS 5 MILES IN 30 SECONDS?
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Leaving Early
Three women all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they watched the boss leave work early. One day, the ladies decided that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never came back to work, or called to check in, so how would she possibly know they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to get home early… she did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and had an early dinner with her husband.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the gym before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss!
Gently, she closed the door and crept out of the house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.
“No way!” the blonde exclaimed. “I almost got caught yesterday!”
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Harolds First Day in the Carpool
It was Harold’s first day in the carpool.
The guys honked the horn in front of his house and he came running out.
He got about halfway down the walk when he heard a grunt and the sound of his wife’s foot tapping on the porch.
He turned around and there she was, scowling at him.
He ran back to the steps, spread her bathrobe, bent over, kissed her downstairs, ran back down the walk and hopped in the car.
The guys rode in silence for a few minutes until the driver couldn’t stand it anymore and he asked, “Harold, it’s none of my business, but why’d you kiss her down there?”
Harold replied, “You wouldn’t believe her breath in the morning.”
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Grandma’s Photo Suggestion
A man moves into a nudist colony.
A few days later, he receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send a recent photo of himself in his new home.
Embarrassed to let her know he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.
The next day, he realizes he accidentally sent the bottom half.
He panics, but then remembers how poor his grandmother’s eyesight is and hopes she won’t notice.
A few weeks later, he receives a letter from her.
It reads:
My dearest grandson,
It was so wonderful to receive your letter and picture. It made my whole week, and I’m so happy to see you’re settling into your new home.
I do have one small suggestion, though. You should really change your hairstyle. It makes your nose look too short.
Love always,
Grandma
