My wife did a bong hit right before performing analingus on me. She says she enjoyed the experience, but I think she was just blowing smoke up my ass.
Sensitivity: Uncensored
Uncensored humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Tom Jones and the Siamese Twins
A pair of drop-dead gorgeous female Siamese twins who were joined at the hip saw the ad for the concert in the local paper. One of them said, “Hey, Tom Jones is in town! How would you like to go and see him?” They agreed to go, hoping they might get to meet him.
Tom Jones did in fact notice them from the stage and asked for them to be sent to his room. After a couple of drinks, he asked them if they would be into any hanky-panky, and one of them definitely was, but the other one not so much. Tom asked the other one what she likes doing, and she said she actually likes to play the trombone, so he picked one up from the horn section so she could keep herself amused while he had his way with the other one.
A couple of years later, there was another ad in the paper that the twins saw, and one of them said, “Hey, would you like to go see Tom Jones again?”
The other twin replied, “Do you think he would remember us?”
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Gay Best Friend
Daemon Blackfyre @nekuLDN
If my girlfriend ever has a “gay best friend”, that nigga better suck my dick to prove it
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Grandfather Clock Skirt
nene @dollcharm: this is literally the perfect skirt length
President Biden @POTUS: my dick would be swinging out the bottom like a grandfather clock
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Death by Unga Bunga
Three explorers crash-land their plane on an uncharted tropical island. The isolationist islanders promptly capture the three survivors and put them on trial for trespassing. Surprisingly, the grand chief of the island speaks broken English.
“You break harmony on our land,” he says. “There are two punishments for this offense: death, or unga bunga. Choose.” The chief points at the first explorer.
The first guy chooses unga bunga, because what could be worse than death? Then three islanders step out and drop their loincloths to reveal porn-sized penises. The three islanders then fuck the explorer six ways from Sunday. Once the islanders are spent, the explorer is released.
The chief then points to the second explorer. “Choose,” he says.
The second explorer weighs his options. After an excruciating exchange in his own head, he meekly replies, “Unga bunga.”
Three more islanders drop their loincloths, their penises even bigger than the ones before. They have their way with the second explorer and then release him.
The chief points at the third explorer. “Choose,” he says.
“Death,” the explorer replies.
The chief scratches his chin and reflects. “No one ever choose death before… Death by unga bunga!”
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Three Tough Rats
Three rats were sitting around talking. The subject turned to how tough they were.
The first rat said, “Want to know how tough I am? You know the traps they set out for us? I undo the latch and work out with them.”
The second rat said, “Want to know how tough I am? You know the poison pellets they set out for us? I chop ’em up with a razor blade and snort it.”
The third rat starts to leave, and the other two ask him where he’s going.
The third rat replied, “I’m going upstairs to fuck the cat.”
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Tight, Isn’t It?
A man picks up a prostitute and is headed for the motel. She just cannot stop talking about how awesome her pussy is. They get to the motel room and undress.
To demonstrate, she says to him, “Put a finger in.” He puts a finger in.
“Put two fingers in.” He puts two fingers in.
“Put four fingers in.” He does.
“Put your hand in.” He does.
“Put your other hand in.” He does.
“Now, clap!”
He tries and tries, but cannot clap.
She says, “Tight, isn’t it?”
