Tone: cheeky

Cheeky humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Shingles Delivery

    Kevin walked into a doctor’s office, and the receptionist asked, “What do you have?”

    “Shingles,” Kevin replied.

    She took down his name, address, insurance information, and told him to have a seat.

    Fifteen minutes later, a nurse’s aide came out and asked, “What do you have?”

    “Shingles.”

    She recorded his height, weight, and medical history, then told him to wait in the examining room.

    Half an hour later, a nurse came in and asked, “What do you have?”

    “Shingles.”

    She took his blood pressure, drew some blood, performed an EKG, and told him to undress and wait for the doctor.

    An hour later, the doctor came in, saw Kevin sitting there in the nude, and asked, “What do you have?”

    “Shingles.”

    The doctor looked confused. “Where?”

    Kevin pointed outside and said, “On the truck. Where do you want me to unload ’em?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Old Cowboy Gets a Clean Shave at the Barbershop

    An old cowboy walks into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut.

    He tells the barber he has trouble getting a clean shave because his cheeks are wrinkled with age.

    The barber pulls a small wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and says, “Put this inside your cheek. It’ll stretch the skin and make it easier to shave.”

    The cowboy does as he’s told, and the barber gives him the cleanest shave he’s had in years.

    As he’s leaving, the cowboy asks, “What would happen if I accidentally swallowed that little ball?”

    The barber thinks for a moment and says, “Just bring it back in a couple of days, like everyone else does.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Cannibal Tribe and the Three Politicians

    A Republican, a Libertarian, and a Democrat are captured by a cannibal tribe in a dense jungle. The tribe chief gives them a final chance to save their lives:

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Go into the jungle and bring back ten pieces of any single fruit you can find.”

    The Republican returns first with ten apples.

    The chief says: “Now, if you can shove all ten apples up your ass without making any sound or expression on your face, we won’t eat you.”

    The Republican manages one, but at the second apple, he winces in pain. The tribe eats him.

    The Libertarian returns next with ten tiny berries.

    The chief gives him the same rule.

    The Libertarian gets to the ninth berry with complete silence… but suddenly, right before the tenth one, he bursts out laughing hysterically! The tribe eats him too.

    In heaven, the Republican meets the Libertarian and asks: “Dude, you were so close! Why on earth did you laugh on the last berry?”

    The Libertarian replies: “I couldn’t help it… I saw the Democrat coming back with ten watermelons!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • New Prisoner Tries the Numbered Joke System

    A man is sentenced to prison for a non-violent crime. He’s scared, but on the first night he notices something strange.

    It’s after lights out and all the inmates are in their cells, when a voice from one of the cells yells out, “2467!” And all cells resound with laughter.

    After a brief silence, another voice shouts out, “7113!” Again, all the other inmates burst out laughing in their cells.

    Puzzled, he asks his neighbor what’s going on. “We love to tell jokes at night,” comes the reply. “But since we’ve been here so long we know them all and have them numbered. So we just yell out the number!”

    This goes on for some time. At last, wanting to get in on the action, he decides to try his luck. He boldly shouts out, “557!”

    But there is an awkward silence. After a while the sounds die down and it seems like everyone is settling down for bed.

    He asks his neighbor what the problem was.

    “What can I say, kid. It’s just your delivery that stinks.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Diner Returns to Expensive Paris Restaurant

    One evening, an impeccably dressed older gentleman walked into a very expensive restaurant in Paris’s 6th arrondissement. He wore a tailored suit, a silk tie and highly polished black Gucci shoes.

    The gentleman ordered champagne, foie gras, lobster and a vintage bottle of Bordeaux. For dessert, he selected the most expensive item on the menu and ordered a brandy.

    When he had finished his meal, the waiter presented him with the bill.

    The gentleman looked at the waiter and said, “I don’t know if you remember me, but many, many years ago, I was quite down on my luck. I came here for a meal and, when it came time to pay, I couldn’t.”

    The waiter looked at him more closely.

    “You publicly humiliated me,” the gentleman continued. “You had security march me through the restaurant and throw me out into the street.”

    The waiter suddenly remembered the incident. His face turned bright red and he began apologizing profusely.

    The gentleman held up his hand.

    “Don’t worry, old chap,” he said. “I’m terribly sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to do it again.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Lawyer and Doctors on a Plane

    A lawyer sits in the aisle seat on a plane next to two doctors and kicks off his shoes.

    The doctor in the middle seat says, “You know what, I’d really like a coke.”

    The lawyer says, “I’ll get it for you.” He gets up and while he’s gone, the middle doctor picks up one of the lawyer’s shoes and spits in it.

    When the lawyer returns, the doctor in the window seat says, “You know what? I’d like a coke too.” The lawyer obliges and gets up, during which time the doctor in the window seat spits in the lawyer’s other shoe.

    When the plane lands, the lawyer puts his shoes on, immediately realizes what happens, and says, “Why must this animosity continue between our professions? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Press 6 to Hear These Options Again

    Well it’s 1 for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get ready… 4 for sales, 5 for customer service or press 6 to hear these options again.

  • Make America Grate Again

    Donald Trump will ban the sale of shredded cheese. He wants to make America grate again.

  • Never Driven a Bus Before

    I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before!

  • Grandpa Lived to a Hundred

    An annoyed lady approaches Little Johnny after watching him eat a bag of candy for some time.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “You know little boy, eating that much candy isn’t good for you!”

    “Oh yeah, well my grandpa lived to be a hundred.”

    “Oh really? But did he eat a lot of candy?”

    “No, but he minded his own fucking business!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail