Tone: Clever

A man reaches the age of 100 and a news crew goes to see what his secret to long life is. The neighbor kids say “He’s always drinking on his front porch.” The local police say “we always have to pick him up from the bars for fighting.” The butcher says “He eats a pound of bacon from my store every day!” Finally they go to his house to interview him.

Sure enough, his front lawn is strewn with cigarette butts and beer cans. The old man comes to the door, his face weathered and brown, with nicotine stains on his teeth, and the smell of bacon wafting out the door. But he’s walking, just a little slow, but really well for a 100 year old man.

“Sir, how did you manage to live so long? It sounds like you have so many unhealthy habits, is there anything special you do?”.

“Well, first, I bribed the pension office to say I was 75, so I could retire at 30. That was about thirty years ago.”