Clever Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Shoe: The Sneezing Leather Mystery!

What’s made out of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A Shoe!

What’s the difference between Black Eyed Peas and chickpeas?
Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song, while chickpeas can only hummus one.

What’s the difference between a dog leash and the French Revolution?
One is a reign of terror, the other is a rein of terrier.

Why don’t lesbians like being told what to do?
They don’t like mandates.

A guy says to his shrink, “Before I got involved with drugs I had a loving family, a nice house and a decent car.”

The shrink says, “And now?”

The guy says, “Now I also have a private jet and a yacht.”

What do cannibals serve at the start of a party?
Handshakes.

I tried to remarry my ex-wife, but that failed.
She figured out I was only after my money.

What’s black and always in the back of a police car?
The seats.

You know why sharks don’t eat clowns?
They taste funny.

What does a robot do after sex?
Nuts and Bolts.