URANUS
URUNCLE
Tone: Clever
Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Two Boys at the Pharmacy
Two young boys walk into a pharmacy, pick out a box of tampons, and take them to the checkout.
The pharmacist looks at the older boy.
“How old are you, son?”
“Eight.”
“Do you know what these are used for?”
“Not exactly,” the boy replies. “They’re not for me. They’re for my brother. He’s four.”
“Oh, really?” the pharmacist asks.
“Yeah. We saw on TV that if you use these, you can swim, play tennis, and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do any of those.”
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An Old Pal in Manhattan
I was walking in Manhattan when I bumped into an old high school pal whom I hadn’t seen in twenty years. He was eager to show me photos of his new wife.
“Here, check out my wife,” he said as he scrolled through a few photos on his phone. “Isn’t she hot?!”
I replied, “If you think your wife is hot, you should see my wife.”
“Is she hot too?”
“Well yes, but she’s also an eye doctor!”
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The Inspector at the Asylum
The director of a mental asylum is showing an inspector around. They come to a room with a single patient sitting on a bed and laughing.
“Why is he laughing?” asks the inspector.
“Oh, that’s Carl,” says the director. “He tells jokes to himself.”
“Hmmm,” says the inspector. “He just stopped laughing. Why is that?”
And the director says, “That’s because he’s already heard that one.”
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Little Johnny’s Parents at School
Little Johnny’s parents come to the school to pick him up.
They go to the first floor. There is a door with a sign saying “Wonderful kids.” They look inside. Little Johnny isn’t there.
They go up to the second floor. There is a door with a sign saying “Good kids.” They check. Once again, Little Johnny isn’t there.
They go to the third floor. The sign says “Okay kids.” They open the door. Once again, no Little Johnny.
Floor number four. It says “Problematic kids.” No Little Johnny.
On floor number five, it says “Bad kids.” That one, too, doesn’t have Little Johnny.
Floor number six, a sign saying “Nightmare kids.” Horrified, the parents go inside… Still, no Little Johnny.
Finally, they go to the last floor, number seven.
A door.
The sign says “Little Johnny.”
