My buddy set me up on a blind date and said, “Just so you know… she’s expecting a baby.”
I felt pretty stupid showing up to the restaurant wearing nothing but a diaper.
Tone: Clever
Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Where Is That Monkey
A lost dog wanders into a jungle. A lion spots him from a distance and thinks to himself, “That thing looks edible. I’ve never seen one of those before.”
The lion starts charging toward the dog. The dog notices and begins to panic, but just as he’s about to run, he spots a pile of bones nearby.
An idea hits him.
He looks at the bones and says loudly, “Mmm… that was some good lion meat.”
The lion abruptly stops. “Whoa,” he thinks. “This guy’s tougher than he looks. I’d better get out of here.”
Watching from a nearby tree, a monkey has seen the whole thing. He realizes he can profit from the situation by telling the lion what really happened.
The monkey catches up to the lion and tells him the truth.
Furious, the lion growls, “Get on my back. We’ll go get him together.”
The lion tears back through the jungle with the monkey riding on his back.
The dog sees them coming and panics even more. Then he gets another idea.
He looks around and yells, “Where the hell is that monkey? I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!”
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Can You Tell the Time
A drunk man comes home late. His wife sees him and angrily exclaims, “Are you drunk again?!”
The man shakes his head and answers, “No, I am not drunk!”
“Okay, then prove it. There’s a clock over there. Can you tell the time?”
“Of course I can!” says the man.
He turns toward the clock and screams, “Hey! I am not drunk!”
