Tone: Clever

Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Jose at the Ballgame

    A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border.

    He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

    “What happened?” asked his family.

    “Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!” he said. “Before the game started, all the people in the stands and all the players stood up, looked at me and said, ‘Jose, can you see?’”

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  • Sister Sally and the Gin

    Sister Sally goes into the liquor store and asks for a pint of gin.

    The clerk is taken aback. “Sister. What are you doing buying such a thing?”

    “It’s okay,” replied Sister Sally. “It’s for the Mother Superior’s constipation.”

    “Oh well then that’s okay.” And he sells her the gin.

    After he closes up shop, he’s walking home and sees Sister Sally on the park bench absolutely blotto, just sloppy and singing bawdy songs and making a spectacle of herself.

    “Sister!” he cried. “I thought you said the gin was for the Mother Superior’s constipation!”

    “It is,” replied the Sister. “When she sees me like this she’s gonna shit!”

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  • Is There Baseball in Heaven

    Two elderly Jews, Abe and Solomon, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons, and talking about baseball, like they do every single day.

    Abe turns to Sol and says, “Do you think there’s baseball in heaven?”

    Sol thinks about this for a minute, and replies, “I dunno. But let’s make a deal: If I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if there’s baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you can do the same for me.”

    They shake on it, and sadly, a couple of months later, Abe passes on.

    One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, “Sol… Sol…”

    Sol responds, “Abe! Is that you?”

    “Yes it is, Sol,” whispers Abe’s ghost.

    Sol, still amazed, asks, “So… Is there baseball in heaven?”

    “Well,” says Abe, “there’s good news, and there’s bad news.”

    “Gimme the good news first,” says Sol.

    Abe says, “Well, I can tell you that there IS baseball in heaven!”

    Sol says, “That’s great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that???”

    Abe sighs sadly, and whispers, “You’re pitching for us on Friday…”

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  • I Have Contacts

    I’ve just been pulled over by a police officer. He saw my license and said I’m supposed to be wearing glasses. I said I have contacts.

    He said he didn’t care who I knew.

  • You Guys Have No Life

    What did Earth say to the other planets?

    Wow, you guys have no life.

  • It Was Actually Salsa

    I thought the audience was throwing tomato sauce at the tango dancer, but it was actually salsa.

  • The Lesser of Two Evils

    My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his “better half.”

    I returned the courtesy and introduced my wife as the “lesser of two evils.”

  • The Pastor and the Post Office

    A delightful angelic little boy was waiting for his mother outside the ladies’ room of the gas station…

    As he stood there, he was approached by a man who asked, “Sonny, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”

    The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right. It’s on the left.”

    The man thanked the boy kindly, complimented him on how bright he was, and said, “I’m the new pastor in town. If you and your mommy come to church on Sunday, I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”

    The little boy replied with a chuckle, “You’re kidding me, right? You can’t even find the Post Office.”

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  • Kenya Believe It

    My wife left me because I have an unhealthy obsession with Africa.

    Kenya believe it?!

  • Number Than Numb

    English puns make me feel numb but math puns make me feel number.