Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap. Santa asks, “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?”
The little girl replies, “I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe.”
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, “I thought Barbie comes with Ken.”
“No,” says the little girl. “She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.”
A salesman rang the bell at a suburban home, and the door was opened by a nine-year-old boy puffing on a long black cigar. Hiding his amazement, the salesman asked the young man, “Is your mother or father at home?”
The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes on the carpet, and asked, “What do you think?”
Teacher to Little Johnny: “You’re late again. What’s your excuse today, Johnny?”
LJ: “There was a man outside who lost a hundred dollar bill.”
Teacher: “Oh… so you were helping him find it? That’s very nice of you, Johnny.”
LJ: “Well, not really… I was standing on it.”
A local store was giving away free samples of perfume, limited to one per customer.
I went in with my brother, who decided that if he sprayed the entire sample on himself in the store, then he was entitled to take another as he hadn’t technically left the store with the first. He repeated this seven or eight times until he reeked of roses.
Somehow, he seemed not to find anything wrong with this behaviour. I, however, was appalled. I couldn’t believe my own brother would abuse the rules so fragrantly.
My friend asked me what the ninth letter of the alphabet was.
It was a complete guess, but I was right.
