What did Earth say to the other planets?
Wow, you guys have no life.
Tone: Clever
Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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It Was Actually Salsa
I thought the audience was throwing tomato sauce at the tango dancer, but it was actually salsa.
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The Lesser of Two Evils
My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his “better half.”
I returned the courtesy and introduced my wife as the “lesser of two evils.”
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The Pastor and the Post Office
A delightful angelic little boy was waiting for his mother outside the ladies’ room of the gas station…
As he stood there, he was approached by a man who asked, “Sonny, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”
The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right. It’s on the left.”
The man thanked the boy kindly, complimented him on how bright he was, and said, “I’m the new pastor in town. If you and your mommy come to church on Sunday, I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”
The little boy replied with a chuckle, “You’re kidding me, right? You can’t even find the Post Office.”
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Kenya Believe It
My wife left me because I have an unhealthy obsession with Africa.
Kenya believe it?!
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Number Than Numb
English puns make me feel numb but math puns make me feel number.
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The Most Important Punctuation Mark
A teacher asked, “What’s the most important punctuation mark?”
A little boy replied, “The period.”
Teacher: “Can you tell me why?”
The little boy: “I’m not sure, but when my sister missed hers, my mom fainted, my dad got super mad, and the boy a few houses down left town and never came back.”
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Words Cannot Describe How Much This Bugs Me
I keep forgetting the difference between etymology and entomology…
…and words cannot describe how much this bugs me.
