Clever Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Tends to be yellower

The rain falls upon the just and unjust alike, though the rain that falls upon the just tends to be yellower.

A daughter once asked, “Why is your hair white?”

Mom said, “Every time you’re bad, it loses its light.”

The girl looked at Grandma and whispered in fright,

“Wow, Mom, you must have been a real terror at night!”

Ford should make a coupe and call it the Oar.
It’d be a Ford Oar two-door.

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.”

When I told my contractor that I didn’t want any carpeted steps, he just gave me a blank stair.

Two slices of bread got married.
The wedding was amazing, until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.

15. Sunburning Down the House

14. Humidity for the Devil

13. Sweat, Caroline

12. In the Air Conditioning Tonight

11. Juice Box Hero

10. Happiness Is a Warm Sun

9. Burn! Burn! Burn!

8. The Fool on the Grill

7. Gimme Swelter

6. Bake It Off

5. This Is What You Shaved For

4. Tan by Your Man

3. Smells Like Hawaiian Tropic SPF 30

2. Rolling in the Deet

And the number one song of the summer…

1. Can’t Stop the Peeling

I walked down the street dressed as a screwdriver.
I turned a few heads.