Tone: Clever

Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • He’s a web designer

    My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
    We had a few drinks. Turns out he’s a web designer.

  • An arm and a leg

    If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, try swimming with sharks.
    It can cost you an arm and a leg.

  • It was OK

    I recently visited a U.S. state north of Texas and south of Kansas.
    It wasn’t great… but it was OK.

  • It was a draft

    Somebody threw a beer at Donald Trump today.
    Don’t worry, it was a draft—he was able to dodge it.

  • Pump number 5

    I got robbed today and called the police.
    The cop asked if I had a description of the assailant.
    I said, “Yeah, it’s pump number 5.”

  • Facts Don’t Change His Mind

    Facts Don’t Change His Mind

    Facts Don’t Change Minds

  • Couldn’t see himself wearing them

    Why did the short-sighted vampire refuse to get glasses?
    He just couldn’t see himself wearing them.

  • The difference was staggering

    I compared how I walked down the street drunk vs sober.
    The difference was staggering.

  • High Maintenance? I’m Outta Here!

    I had a fling with a lady janitor, she was always stoned so I had to break it off with her…
    I’m just not into high maintenance women!

  • Leprechauns: Always a Little Short on Cash!

    Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
    Because they’re always a little short.