if I was a worm I’d sleep in and make those early birds feel so fuckin dumb
Tone: crude
Crude humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I Need a Handsaw
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw.
So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can’t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”, then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.
The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his cock, starts masturbating and points at it.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, “What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!”
The other guy says, “I knew that! I was just trying to tell you – I’m coming!”
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Disabled Porn
I’D LIKE THE PORN IN MY ROOM TO BE DISABLED
WE ONLY HAVE REGULAR PORN YOU SICK BASTARD
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Only Chick Raw Dog
The only chick you can fuck raw dog without having to worry about paying child support
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Bryan County Bond
BRYAN COUNTY JAIL
WOMAN IN BRYAN COUNTY SUCKS OFF MAN’S PENIS
Doyle Hargraves
HOW MUCH IS HER BOND?
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Quickies: Crude Jokes for Adults Only
Quickies
Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.Q: What’s the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.Q: What’s the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.Q: What’s the ultimate rejection?
A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face, and moaning, “Lie to me!”Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A: K9P.Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A: If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.Q: What’s another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-doughQ: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming. -
Deli Salami: No Slicing Required
A fag walks into a corner deli, takes a number, and waits his turn. Soon, his turn comes up, and the deli boy asks, “Well, what will it be today, sir?”
To this, the fag replies, “I’ll have a half pound of roast beef, a pound of your swiss cheese, and I’ll take that nice long salami you’ve got hanging by the window.”
After slicing the swiss cheese and the beef, the deli boy then asks him, “Sir, would you like me to slice the salami as well?”
To this the fag replies, “Slice the salami?! What do you think my ass is, a piggy bank?”
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Love Blooms in Workplace Jealousy
“Darling,” murmured the girl to her boyfriend, “when did you first realize that you were in love with me?”
“Well, I suppose…” whispered the man tenderly, “it was when I started getting angry with all the other guys in the office who said you were a lousy lay.”
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Prince Charming’s Pumpkin Problem
Prince Charming gets very drunk at the ball and ends up staggering out of the palace and into the Royal Vegetable Garden. When the Queen realizes that he’s missing, she sends all the palace guards out in search of her son.
In just minutes, the head guard finds the errant prince having a jolly good time thrusting his royal dick into a hole in the side of a large, ripe pumpkin.
“Prince Charming!” cries the guard. “Forgive me for interrupting, but… Do you realize you’re fucking a pumpkin?”
The prince stops what he’s doing and pulls back to examine the violated pumpkin.
“Oh, my,” says the drunken prince. “Is it midnight already?”
