Tone: crude

Crude humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Whoopee Cushion Gravy

    Whoopee Cushion Gravy

    A whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke

  • Hello Little Butthole

    Hello Little Butthole

    The last thing you ate is what you have to name him

    Hello little butthole

  • Hills Alive Skeet Skeet

    Hills Alive Skeet Skeet

    the hills are alive with the sound of music

    Aw skeet skeet mothafuckaaaaaaaaa

  • Butterface

    Joey was hanging in a bar, and his friends asked him if he’d scored lately.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Man, I picked up this chick the other night and had the best sex ever,” Joey told them. “The only problem was, she was a total butterface.”

    His friends asked him, “What the hell is a butterface?”

    Joey answered, “Everything about her was hot, but her face.”

  • Can I Turn the Light Off?

    A man is about to have sex with a really large woman, so he climbs on top of her.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Can I turn the ceiling light off?” he asks.

    “Why?” she replies. “Are you feeling a bit shy?”

    “No,” he says. “It’s burning my ass.”

  • Jeopardy: Blood, Sweat, and Tears

    Jeopardy: Blood, Sweat, and Tears

    Category: BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS. Contestant shrugs, commits to the bit, walks away $8,800 richer and forever remembered.

  • A Bulldog Eating Mayonnaise

    A man and his four-year-old son were talking about sex. The son asked his father, “Dad, what does a pussy look like?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The dad asked him, “Before or after sex?”

    “Ummm, before sex,” the kid replied.

    The dad said, “Have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?”

    “Yeah,” said the son. “Well, what about after sex?”

    His dad replied, “Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?”

  • Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women

    Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Motorcycles’ curves never sag.

    Motorcycles last longer.

    Motorcycles don’t get pregnant.

    You can ride a motorcycle any time of the month.

    Motorcycles don’t have parents.

    Motorcycles don’t whine unless something is really wrong.

    You can kick your motorcycle to wake it up.

    You can share your motorcycle with your friends.

    If your motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.

    You only need to get a new chain or belt for your motorcycle when the old one is really worn.

    If your motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.

    Motorcycles don’t care about how many other motorcycles you have ridden.

    When riding, you and your motorcycle both arrive at the same time.

    Motorcycles don’t care about how many other motorcycles you have.

    Motorcycles don’t mind if you look at other motorcycles, or if you buy motorcycle magazines.

    New motorcycles must be asked for, and if you don’t want to pay for them, you don’t get them.

    If your motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.

    If your motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.

    If your motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.

    If your motorcycle is misaligned, you don’t have to discuss politics to correct it.

    You can have a beer while riding your motorcycle.

    You can have a black motorcycle and show it to your parents.

    You don’t have to be jealous of the guy who works on your motorcycle.

    You don’t have to deal with priests or blood tests to register your motorcycle.

    You don’t have to convince your motorcycle that you’re a motorcyclist and that you think motorcycles are equals.

    If you say bad things to your motorcycle, you don’t have to apologize before you can ride it again.

    You can ride a motorcycle as long as you want and it won’t get sore.

    Your parents don’t remain in touch with your old motorcycle after you dump it.

    Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.

    Motorcycles don’t insult you if you’re a bad rider.

    Your motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other motorcycles.

    Motorcycles don’t care if you’re late.

    You don’t have to take a shower before riding your motorcycle.

    It’s always OK to use tie-downs on your motorcycle.

    If your motorcycle doesn’t look good, you can paint it or get better parts.

    You can’t get diseases from a motorcycle you don’t know very well.

  • The Ribbed Stranger

    The Ribbed Stranger

    STEP UP YOUR JERK OFF GAME WITH…

    THE RIBBED STRANGER

  • Monday Sickness: A Suspicious Pattern

    The company hires a new man. He was supposed to start work on a Monday, but instead of showing up, he calls his new boss. “I’m sick,” he says. Boss excuses him.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The man shows up Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, greatly impressing everyone with his diligence and ability.

    The next Monday, he once again calls his boss. “I’m sick,” he says. Boss reluctantly excuses him, but notices that this is the second Monday in a row.

    Once again, the man shows up Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, even faster and better than the previous week.

    The following Monday, he calls his boss again. “I’m sick.” Boss excuses him, but decides to call the man in to talk on Tuesday.

    Tuesday comes and as soon as the man shows up, the boss calls him into his office. “What gives?” asks the boss. “I can see you’re a hard worker, but you’ve only been here three weeks and you’ve called in sick every Monday.”

    The man says, “Well, my sister is in a bad marriage and I go over to console her every Monday morning before work. One thing leads to another, and we end up having sex all day long.”

    “Your sister!” says the boss. “That’s disgusting.”

    The man says, “I told you I was sick.”