when the white kid in class getting roasted and starts reaching in his backpack
Tone: dark
Dark jokes, grim memes, and humor with the lights off and the judgment missing from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Calling the Police After All
An elderly gentleman came home one night to find a homeless girl of about seventeen ransacking the place. He grabbed her by the arm and was just about to call the police when the girl dropped down on her knees and pleaded, “Please don’t call the police, mister, oh please!! If you don’t, I’ll let you make love to me and do whatever you want with my body!”
The old man thought for a moment and decided to give in. Soon they were naked and in bed together. The old man tried hard and tried hard, but finally, he rolls over, exhausted, and embarrassed.
“I’m sorry, young lady…but it’s no use,” he gasped. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to call the police after all.”
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Except a Crippling Illness
Whatever doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger. Except a crippling illness that leaves me comatose and on a respirator, that is.
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The Man Who Couldn’t Find Her Head
Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, “you know, we’re starting to get on each other’s nerves. why don’t we split up today. I’ll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we’ll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire.”
The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north. That night over dinner, the first man tells his story.
“Today I hiked onto a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watch deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?”
The second friend says. “I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I cam across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp.”
“Wow,” the first guy says, “did you get a blow job?”
“No,” says the second friend. “I couldn’t find her head.”
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Gerbil Mishap in Hospital
In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil, Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew Kiki Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in, he explained.
As usual, Kiki shouted out Armageddon, my cue that hed had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldnt come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him.
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewskis hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbils fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball.
Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
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Eating a Vegetable
Q: What is the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
A: Putting her back into her wheelchair.
