My first girlfriend never stopped counting, so I broke up with her.
I wonder what she’s up to?
Tone: dark
Dark jokes, grim memes, and humor with the lights off and the judgment missing from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
It’s a Boy
It was 10 years ago today my best mate James came running out of the room shouting, “It’s a boy!” with tears streaming down his face.
We never went back to Thailand.
-
Waiting at the Bottom of the Bridge
A beautiful woman was upset with her life, and about to throw herself off a bridge.
Before she worked up the courage to make that final leap, an obscenely hideous, creepy, stinky homeless chud of a man approached. He got quite near to her and shouted, “WHAT’N THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” She replied, “Get away from me, I’ve had it with this life and I’m going to die while I still have my dignity.” He says, “YOU AUGHTA LET ME BE THE LAST GUY TO FUCK YOU BEFORE YOU DIE.” She recoiled in horror and responded, “There is absolutely no way that will be my last act on this earth, now leave me in peace!” He says, “OKAY LADY, HAVE IT YOUR WAY. I’LL JUST GO WAIT FOR YOU AT THE BOTTOM DOWN THERE.”
-
Walking Home From the Local in Belfast
A man was walking home from his local in Belfast when he felt something prod in his back and a voice whisper in his ear, “Tell me. Are you Catholic or Protestant?”
He gulped and said nothing.
The voice angrily whispered, “Tell me! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”
The man shat himself a little and thought, it’s fifty fifty if I live if I tell the truth or lie.
The thing in his back was pushed harder, the voice now much louder, “Tell me! Are you Catholic or Protestant!?”
In a very quiet voice the man says, “I’m a Jewish boy” and the voice behind him says, “I must be the luckiest Arab in Belfast tonight!”
-
The Search Party and the Well
Little Anne Patterson had been missing for three days now and things were looking grim.
The family lived on the edge of an old forest, made famous by its ability to cause even the most seasoned hiker to lose their way. There was something labyrinthian about that woodland.
Anne was told never to go out into the forest, but curiosity often proved stronger than her better judgment. She had ventured into the wood on more than one occasion, but in each of these instances, her father was able to get a hold of her before she got too far.
This time was different.
A search party had been assembled, combing the Patterson’s vast property.
In the days since her disappearance, the group had trudged through 10 square miles of wilderness. There was no sign of her until they came across one of her mittens. The second was found 50 feet to the west of the first.
So they continued west through the densest section of forest yet and eventually came to a clearing with an ancient well in the center.
A quiet fell among the party as they realized what had likely happened here.
After a few minutes of tense stasis, the lead detective on the investigation stepped forward to take a look down the well.
He put his hands on the cold, moldy brick that made up the well’s outer rim and peered over into the abyss.
He could see nothing.
“Anne?” he yelled down, hoping he would hear her voice in response. But the only reply was his own echo.
He turned around and faced Anne’s father, Greg.
“I yelled down the well to see if she’d reply, but there was no Anne, sir.”
-
Pillsbury Funerals Cremation Services
Nothing says lovin’ like something warm from the oven lol…. Woohoo
-
So Full of Himself
Did you hear about the arrogant cannibal who started eating his own arms and legs?
He was so full of himself.
