LAST Christmas, I gave you my heart…
But the very NECKS day, you gave it away!
Tone: dark
Dark jokes, grim memes, and humor with the lights off and the judgment missing from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Nice Things to Whisper
Nice things to whisper when hugging someone
you smell different when you’re awake
please help me (then smile as if nothing happened)
soon
you have lovely skin, I can’t wait to wear it
your hair tastes like strawberries
tonight….you.
he knows, don’t go home.
I always knew you would die in my arms
every time I poop I think of you
no one will ever believe you
yesssssssssssss
I killed mufasa
I bet you didn’t feel me lick your ear
mother told me it would be like this
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A Hospital Tour
A public health official visits a hospital. On the tour, they see a man furiously masturbating while a nurse checks his vitals.
The doctor explains that the man has a rare disorder where his heart will explode if he stops masturbating.
In the next room, a nurse is enthusiastically sucking another patient’s dick.
The doctor says, “Same disorder, but his health insurance is significantly better.”
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A First Experience
A young native boy goes to a whorehouse for his first experience but is turned away for being underage and then for having no money.
After earning money, he returns. The madam says he needs practice first, so he practices using holes in trees.
Later, the madam hears a girl crying out and finds the boy standing behind her, kicking her.
She asks what he is doing.
He replies, “Checking for squirrels.”
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The Cat On The Roof
A wife goes on vacation and asks her husband how her cat is doing.
The husband says, “The cat’s dead.”
She tells him he should have broken the news gently by saying the cat was on the roof and they couldn’t get her down.
Then she asks how her mother is doing.
The husband says, “Your mother’s on the roof and we can’t get her down.”
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An Electric Fence
An elderly husband asks his wife if she remembers the first time they had sex behind the village tavern. They return to the fence, and a policeman secretly follows them.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. They erupt into furious sex against the fence, then collapse afterward.
The amazed policeman asks their secret.
The old man replies, “Fifty years ago, that wasn’t an electric fence.”
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A Breathalyzer Test
In Russia, a man is driving with his wife and small child when a policeman pulls him over on suspicion of being drunk. The breathalyzer shows he is drunk.
The man insists it is broken and asks the policeman to test his wife. She also registers as drunk. Then he asks the policeman to test his child.
When the child registers drunk as well, the policeman shrugs and sends them on their way.
Out of earshot, the man tells his wife, “See, I told you it wouldn’t hurt to give the kid a couple of shots of vodka.”
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At The Doctor’s Office
A beautiful woman walks into a doctor’s office. The doctor tells her to take off her pants and starts rubbing her thighs. “Do you know what I am doing?”
“Yes, checking for abnormalities,” she replies.
He later starts having sex with her and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”
She replies, “Yes, getting herpes. That’s why I am here!”
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Two Pieces Of Bad News
“I have two pieces of bad news,” the doctor says.
“What are they?”
“Well, the first piece of news is that you have cancer.”
“What’s the second piece of news?” he asks.
“Well, the second piece of bad news is that you have Alzheimer’s.”
The man laughs and says, “Well, at least I don’t have cancer.”
