Tone: ironic

Ironic humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Black Highlighters CIA

    Black Highlighters CIA

    CIA Realizes It’s Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years

  • The Shower Drain

    A young wife, freshly shaved, walks out of her bathroom into the master bedroom.

    She lifts her teddy, revealing nothing underneath, licks her lips, winks, and says, “Sweetie, you know what this means, don’t you.”

    Her young husband replies, “Yes, damn it, I am gonna have to spend all weekend unclogging the shower drain.”

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  • Uncle Brian Takes Monopoly Very Seriously

    After getting sent to jail, I was immediately held down over a table and violently assaulted.

    Uncle Brian takes Monopoly very seriously….

  • Four Months Vacation and Five Good Leads

    A guy at confession says to the priest: “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”

    The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”

    “Yes, Father, it is.”

    “And who was the girl you were with?”

    “I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

    “Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”

    “I cannot say.”

    “Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”

    “I’ll never tell.”

    “Was it Nina Capelli?”

    “I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”

    “Was it Cathy Piriano?”

    “My lips are sealed.”

    “Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”

    “Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”

    The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

    Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

    “Four months vacation and five good leads!”

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  • Sensitive Data

    Sensitive Data

    Rule 1: Never publicly share sensitive Data over the Internet

  • Wheel Of Fortune Buy An I

    Wheel Of Fortune Buy An I

    WHEEL OF FORTUNE

    IS IT BAD THAT I LAUGH WHEN THIS GUY SAYS “I’D LIKE TO BUY AN I”

  • IRS Agent Gets Robbed of His Own Money

    A man is walking on the sidewalk at night when suddenly he’s attacked by a mugger.

    Mugger: “Give me all of your money!”

    Man: “Do you know who I am?! I work for the IRS!”

    Mugger: “Oh? Well in that case, give me all of MY money!”

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  • Daddy Longlegs Stomps Out Gay Spiders

    A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.

    “Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.

    “They’re mating,” her father replied.

    “What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.

    “That’s a daddy longlegs,” her father answered.

    “So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?” the little girl asked.

    “No,” her father replied. “Both of them are daddy longlegs.”

    The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.

    “Well, we’re not having THAT sort of thing in OUR garden!”

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  • 500 Votes Per Boob Electoral College

    Well, another election in my household has passed and the results are in: The Sex-Every-Sunday Referendum was defeated soundly, 1000-1. I knew agreeing to the 500-vote-per-boob Electoral College would come back to haunt me.

  • Chocolate Wins: Eight Delicious Reasons Why

    Reasons why Chocolate is Better than Sex

    1. You can GET chocolate

    2. “If you love me you’ll swallow that” has real meaning with chocolate

    3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft

    4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving

    5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to

    6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother

    7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won’t mind

    8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names

    9. The word “commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate

    10. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting coworkers

    11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped

    12. You don’t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate

    13. With chocolate there’s no need to fake it

    14. Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant

    15. You can have chocolate any time of month

    16. Good chocolate is easy to find

    17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle

    18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate

    19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake

    20. With chocolate size doesn’t matter.

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