Tone: irreverent

Irreverent humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • We’ve All Got It

    “Doc, I think my son has VD,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.”

    “Okay, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed. “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.”

    “But I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.”

    “Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor.

    “Well,” the man admitted, “I think my wife has it too.”

    “Oh crap!” the physician roared. “That means we’ve all got it!”

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  • Five Million Dollar Savings Account

    A man walks into a bank.

    Goes up to the teller and says, “I’d like to open a damn savings account.”

    The teller says, “Sir, I’d be happy to help you, but this is a place of business — you can’t swear here.”

    The man replies, “I don’t care, just let me open a damn savings account.”

    The teller says, “Sir, that’s just inappropriate. If you keep talking to me that way I’ll have to get the manager.”

    The man says, “Why won’t you just open the damn savings account?”

    So the teller goes and gets the manager — he comes out and says, “Alright sir, I understand you’re swearing at my employee — what seems to be the problem here?”

    The man says, “I don’t have a problem — I just won 5 million dollars in the lottery and I want to open up a damn savings account!”

    The manager looks at the teller and back at the man and says, “And this motherfucker wouldn’t let you?”

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  • Service Dog Drug Dog

    Service Dog Drug Dog

    Switching jobs from service dog to drug sniffing dog is the best decision I ever made. Oh yeah, woof, or something.

  • Lords Spaghetti

    Lords Spaghetti

    My psalms are sweaty knees weak, cross is heavy

    last supper is ready it’s lord’s spaghetti

  • Wont Do What You Tell Me

    Wont Do What You Tell Me

    FUCK YOU I WON’T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME

    FUCK YOU I WON’T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME

    FUCK YOU I WON’T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME

    FUCK YOU I WON’T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME

    MOTHERFUCKER……..UGGGGH!!!!

  • Ted Nugent Front Row

    Ted Nugent Front Row

    WHATS 80 FEET LONG AND HAS 12 TEETH?

    THE FRONT ROW OF A TED NUGENT CONCERT.

  • Drug Dealer vs. Hooker

    What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

    A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

  • Stuck Up Cunts

    What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing.

    They’re stuck up cunts.

  • Carrots Are Good for Your Memory

    Carrots are good for your memory.

    Get one shoved in your ass and you won’t forget it.

  • I’m Telling EVERYBODY!

    A man walks into a confessional.

    “Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. I am 75 years old, and I’ve recently started dating a 25-year-old woman. She’s drop dead gorgeous, loves sex, and is unbelievable in bed. We have sex at least three or four times a day, and each time, I make her scream like a banshee.”

    “Oh my! This is indeed a sin. As penance, you must say five Hail Marys and five Our Fathers every day for the next week.”

    “What? I can’t do that, I’m Jewish!”

    “You’re Jewish? Then why are you telling ME?”

    “I’m telling EVERYBODY!”

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