Tone: Playful

Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • 30 to 1 Odds

    Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.

    When the day came, Little Johnny and his daddy got in the car and headed for the zoo. They were gone most of the day, and as the sun was setting, they arrived home.

    “So how was it?” his mother asked Little Johnny.

    “Great!” Little Johnny replied.

    “Did you and your father have a good time?” asked his mother.

    “Yeah, Daddy really liked it a lot,” exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, “especially when one of the horses came racing home at 30 to 1 odds!”

  • I Had It on the Tip of My Tongue

    Well today, little Johnnie’s class is on a field trip to the local mall to visit Santa Claus. Little Mary goes and sits on Santa’s lap and asks for her Barbie doll, and crayons and what have you. All the kids have their turn and it’s finally up to Johnnie to go up to see Santa.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Little Johnnie goes to Santa and says, “Yo Santa, if you’re so smart and wise, can you tell me how to spell ‘clitoris’?”

    “Oh Gee Whiz Johnnie!” exclaims Santa all surprised. “I can’t remember now, you should have asked me that one yesterday, I had it on the tip of my tongue!”

  • Sodium Joke NaBrO

    Sodium Joke NaBrO

    Want to hear a joke about Sodium?

    Na.

    Want to hear a joke about Sodium Hypobromite?

    NaBrO.

  • If You Drink Gin You Wont Have Worms

    A science teacher set up a simple experiment to show her class the danger of alcohol. She set up 2 glasses, one containing water, the other containing gin. Into each she dropped a worm.

    The worm in the water swam merrily around. The worm in the gin quickly died.

    “What does this experiment prove?” she asked.

    Little Johnny from the back row piped up: “It proves that if you drink gin you won’t have worms.”

  • But Then There Wouldnt Be a Siren

    A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding a toy fire truck down the street. The truck was being pulled by a beautiful Labrador Retriever. Unfortunately, the rope was tied around the dog’s privates, and as a consequence, the truck was going very slowly.

    A man walking down the street noticed how slowly the boy was being pulled and gently said to him, “You know, son, that truck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied around your dog’s neck.”

    The boy nodded in agreement and said, “But then there wouldn’t be a siren.”

  • Didnt Expect ME Did Ya

    Little Johnnie was late for class, and when he saw that the door was already closed, he opened it and went into the classroom tentatively. He very quietly shut the door and tiptoed to his seat hoping not to get the teacher after him.

    This upset the teacher, who said to him, “Johnnie, is this how your father would have come in — late and sneaking to his seat? Go out and try it again, and get it right this time!”

    So, Little Johnnie left the room and shut the door behind him quietly, as he’d come in. Then a moment later, he flung open the door with a clatter and stomped back into the room with a lit cigarette dangling from his lips. He slammed the door behind him, put his cigarette out on the carpet with his foot and said, “So Honey, didn’t expect ME, did ya?”

  • Put Johnnie in the Fifth Grade

    A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Johnnie what is your problem?” Johnnie answered, “I’m too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!”

    The teacher had had enough. She took Johnnie to the principal’s office. While Johnnie waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed.

    Johnnie was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

    Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
    Johnnie: “9.”

    Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
    Johnnie: “36.”

    And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looked at the teacher and told her, “I think Johnnie can go to the third grade, just as he thought.”

    The teacher says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions, and I’m sure you will see the reasons I am hesitant about Johnnie’s advancement!” The principal and Johnnie both agreed.

    The teacher asked, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?” Johnnie, after a moment, replied, “Legs.”

    Teacher: “Ok, you got that right, but I know I’ll get you. What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”

    The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnnie replied, “Pockets.”

    Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
    Johnnie: “Pants”

    Teacher: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of excitement?”
    Johnnie: “Firetruck”

    Little Johnnie had been studying, and he’d not fall for any of her tricks… nothing would hold him back if he could help it!

    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Johnnie in the FIFTH grade. I missed the last four questions myself!”

  • Deaf Club

    Deaf Club

    THE FIRST RULE OF DEAF CLUB…

    NYOU NU NOT NALK AMOUT NEF GLUB,

  • I Think He Wants to Buy Mom

    Lil’ Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses’ legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Pop, why are you doing that?”

    “Because I’m thinking of buying these horses.”

    Johnny looked worried, “Then I think we’d better hurry home right away!”

    “Why?” his father asked.

    “Because the milkman stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants to buy Mom!”

  • Riveting

    Riveting

    So, what do you do for work?

    I drill holes in sheets of metal.

    Then I use metal pins to connect said sheets of metal.

    Riveting…