Tone: Sarcastic

Sarcastic jokes, dry insults, eye-roll energy, and punchlines that need a workplace warning from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

You know you’re an over-sexed guy when you have to quit your job

You know you’re an over-sexed guy when you have to quit your job at Krispy Kreme ’cause you just can’t look at one more fucking hole.
If they can’t invent a pill that makes a penis longer, can they

If they can’t invent a pill that makes a penis longer, can they maybe invent one that makes a vagina shallower?
So, exactly who do I have to sleep with to get a Filthy

So, exactly who do I have to sleep with to get a Filthy Rumination published, anyway? I hope it’s Jilly G.
I’m not the kind of girl who whores herself out for booty calls;

I’m not the kind of girl who whores herself out for booty calls; with MY rack, it’s all about Titty Calls.
I love those days when you spend the whole day in your PJs. And

I love those days when you spend the whole day in your PJs. And my co-workers *really* love the crotchless silk teddy I’m wearing.
I think we’re spoiled with today’s technological advancements.

I think we’re spoiled with today’s technological advancements. In fact, when I’m not videoconferencing or web-chatting, I find myself disappointed at not being able to say, “Stop staring at my tits, you moron.”
At parties, people always ask doctors to look at their rash,

At parties, people always ask doctors to look at their rash, plumbers to look at their clogged drain, or investment bankers for stock tips. I wonder if porn stars have people pestering them at parties to pretend to deliver pizza or make that fuck-face look they all do on the DVD covers. I know I would.
I am fuck’s biggest fan. I stalk fuck. Why can’t life be more

I am fuck’s biggest fan. I stalk fuck. Why can’t life be more like fucking all the time?
My rules for a night of married sex are now the same rules for a

My rules for a night of married sex are now the same rules for a family evening at home: Don’t block the TV and don’t wake me if I fall asleep.
Those taking the similes quiz at home will remember we asked you

Those taking the similes quiz at home will remember we asked you to finish the following: a) As old as _____. b) As heavy as _____. c) As cold as _____. The correct answers are as follows: a) shit. b) shit. c) fuck.