This is Alexei, he’s responsible for the destruction of 30 Russian tanks. Alexei is the worst mechanic in the Russian army
Tone: satirical
Satirical humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Hallmark Movie
woman: i have a high paying job in new york city that i love and christmas isn’t that important to me
her black friend: you need a MAN
woman’s dad: come to the small town,, we are suffering without a baker for our town festivale
woman: ok dad
man: i harvest maple syrup for a living and make 2 dollars a year
woman: :/
man: will you harvest maple syrup with me…
woman: i’ve decided i hate my job and i’m going to resign myself to making christmas tree ornaments in fuckberg for the rest of my life
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Back In My Day Hippies
BaCk iN mY DaY wE WeReN’t sO eAsiLy oFfEndEd
Back in your day: LONG HAIR IS COMMUNISM STOP HIPPIES MARCH OF THE CHRIST MOVE THEM HIPPIES NORTH
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Top 15 Signs Your Partner Learned About Sex by Watching TV
The Top 15 Signs Your Partner Learned About Sex by Watching TV
15. Lovemaking lasts exactly 30 minutes and includes eight minutes of telling you what’s on her Christmas list.
14. Every every time you remove your pants, you hear that damned laugh-track.
13. He tries to kiss you on the mouth first thing in the morning.
12. The promised “wacky hijinks” when you get back to her place are, in fact, just wacky hijinks.
11. Tries to get you in the mood by whispering, “Tonight, on a very special ‘Pecker’….”
10. Always gives a wide-eyed “Well, gollllyyy!” when you take off your bra and a “SHAZAM!” for the panties.
9. Every time you take a break, he sleeps with the Dell intern.
8. He won’t finish until you say “It’s a good thing” while arranging a doily on his chest.
7. To liven things up a bit, he brings in his cousin Oliver for a threesome.
6. Shouts “D’OH!!” every time he ejaculates prematurely.
5. She always wants you to guess which room she’s naked in, but if you pick the wrong door, you’re stuck with a farm animal.
4. The mirror on the ceiling has a network logo in the bottom right corner.
3. He narrates his every move with a fake Australian accent: “Crikey! Now, this position is *really* dangerous….”
2. “It’s not an affair, honey, it’s a spin-off.”
1. Makes you wait until next week to see the exciting climax.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ] -
Top 14 Dream Wrestling Matches
The Top 14 Dream Wrestling Matches
14. Michael “The Glove” Jackson -vs- George “The Hand” Michael
13. Bob “Hacksaw” Villa -vs- Martha “Doily Queen” Stewart
12. “The First Lady” -vs- “The Most Recent Lady”
11. Edward Scissorhands -vs- John Bobbit
10. Carrot Top -vs- Bugs Bunny
9. Drescher -vs- Gottfried — in a Zero-Contact Whine-a-thon Death Cage Match!
8. Arnold Schwarzenegger -vs- The English Language
7. Pat “Captain Vanilla” Sajak -vs- Alex “Oh, I’m Sorry” Trebek
6. Bill “The Adulterer” Clinton -vs- Bill “The Atoner” Clinton
5. Monica “Hummer” Lewinsky -vs- Orrin “We Still Call it Sodomy in This State” Hatch
4. The Norelco Santa -vs- The Mach3 Studmuffin
3. Vanilla Ice -vs- The Crips
2. Ron “McBigfoot” McDonald -vs- Colonel “Open A Can o’ Whup-Ass” Sanders
1. The predominately female and nearly naked “Baywatch” cast -vs- The predominately male and socially awkward Top5 contributors
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List http://www.topfive.com ] -
Top 13 Surprises in Victorias Secrets New Spring Line
The Top 13 Surprises in Victoria’s Secret’s New Spring Line
13. New “Victor’s Secret” line
12. New catalogue has 25% more pictures of sexy lingerie-clad supermodels, the likes of whom you will never, ever date.
11. Company’s efforts to create a more wholesome image results in addition of new Girl Scout lingerie line.
10. Spring Special: Purchase any item from the “Rodman Collection” and get a free tattoo!
9. Almost 10% of the clothing is now made by well-paid adults.
8. All bras are now seductively beer-scented.
7. Every wear you look — corduroy!
6. The “Joey, What Are You Doing In There So Long With My Victoria’s Secret Catalogue?” junior bra and panty set.
5. New “Wedge-o-matic” discreetly un-binds underwear from uncomfortable cracks.
4. Damn near everything in the new “Monica” line is Scotch-Guarded.
3. All Miracle Bras now confirmed and blessed by the Vatican.
2. New Teletubbies bras — because it’s never too early to screw up a young girl’s self image.
1. All kinds of interesting lifting and separating going on with that new Cross-Your-Ass Thong.
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List http://www.topfive.com ]
