The next time some guy calls me a cocksucker, I’m gonna stop whatever I’m doing and let him finish by hand.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Money is tight everywhere, but there are some things are worth
Money is tight everywhere, but there are some things are worth paying more for. For example, I got this DVD titled “Mothers I Guess I Probably Would Be Willing to Fuck If I Couldn’t Do Any Better And Was Really Drunk And Knew None of My Friends Would Ever Find Out About It.” Surprisingly, it was just awful. That’s the last time I buy porn at the dollar store.
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You know you’re an over-sexed guy when you have to quit your job
You know you’re an over-sexed guy when you have to quit your job at Krispy Kreme ’cause you just can’t look at one more fucking hole.
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Every time I have an orgasm, I complain and throw a tantrum. I
Every time I have an orgasm, I complain and throw a tantrum. I guess I must be suffering from immature ejaculation.
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Sometimes I let my boyfriend watch me have an orgasm over my new
Sometimes I let my boyfriend watch me have an orgasm over my new iPhone. He loves it, but my husband complains that it’s not easy holding the phone during sex.
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The best part of waking up is not about coffee in my cup. It’s
The best part of waking up is not about coffee in my cup. It’s realizing I’m still young enough to have morning wood.
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Thank God for Ruminations. I’ve tried for years to get Heloise
Thank God for Ruminations. I’ve tried for years to get Heloise to publish the following hint: “Tired of sleeping on the wet spot? Keep a hair dryer plugged in next to the bed. One minute on high is all it takes to dry that spot up so you can sleep easy.”
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My Asian girlfriend made us dinner last night, eventually
My Asian girlfriend made us dinner last night, eventually followed by passionate lovemaking. Nevertheless, I awakened abruptly only an hour later, with an unsatisfied hunger. Was it the twice cooked pork, or the twice porked cook that I was craving?
