My friends keep asking me how I’m able to save so much on my electric bill,
but I’ll never tell because I like to keep people in the dark.
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
My friends keep asking me how I’m able to save so much on my electric bill,
but I’ll never tell because I like to keep people in the dark.
So a girl is going to marry a Greek fellow. The night before the wedding, the girl’s dad takes her aside and says, “Honey, I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll just say it. If he ever asks you to turn over, you don’t have to.”
So they get married. Sure enough, about six months later, the Greek guy asks the girl to turn over.
“You know,” she says, “my dad told me I don’t have to turn over if I don’t want to.”
“Whatsa matter?” says the Greek guy. “Don’t you wanna have kids?”

I’m not sure what this sign is a safety precaution for, but I think using your feet on a ladder is a better option…
Three rats were sitting around talking. The subject turned to how tough they were.
The first rat said, “Want to know how tough I am? You know the traps they set out for us? I undo the latch and work out with them.”
The second rat said, “Want to know how tough I am? You know the poison pellets they set out for us? I chop ’em up with a razor blade and snort it.”
The third rat starts to leave, and the other two ask him where he’s going.
The third rat replied, “I’m going upstairs to fuck the cat.”
I trained my dog to be a blacksmith.
He made a bolt for the door.