One of my co-workers told me this morning that she felt like shit. Well at least now her feelings match her cologne.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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No one was quite the grill-master my father was.
No one was quite the grill-master my father was. People gave him the information he wanted every time.
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I think the most disappointing aspect of the whole Tiger Woods mess is that none of his
I think the most disappointing aspect of the whole Tiger Woods mess is that none of his mistresses had the surname “Mulligan.”
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I despise it when those jerk perverts call and wake you up in the middle of the night,
I despise it when those jerk perverts call and wake you up in the middle of the night, talk dirty for a few minutes, then hang up. Slow down, Speedy — give a girl time to catch up!
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Lysol says there are lots of germs on my hand soap pump.
Lysol says there are lots of germs on my hand soap pump. But how the hell am I supposed to remember to wash my hands whenever I touch it?
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You had me until “Hello.”
You had me until “Hello.”
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When I’m pondering existentialism, I always lean my head sideways so I look like a
When I’m pondering existentialism, I always lean my head sideways so I look like a *gangster* philosopher.
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That expression, “Is that a banana in your pocket or are you happy to see me?”
That expression, “Is that a banana in your pocket or are you happy to see me?” seems like a terrible waste of time. If it’s THAT big, who really cares?
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Everyone was pretty stoked when we announced we were getting the band back together, but
Everyone was pretty stoked when we announced we were getting the band back together, but the next task was figuring out who had a garage big enough for the 74 of us to march in.
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Some days you get the bull, others you get the horn.
Some days you get the bull, others you get the horn. Just hope you’re not the guy who gets the horny bull.
