They say the airport in Denver is pretty big. I dunno… I only passed one Seattle’s Best, one Caribou Coffee, and two Starbucks between the ticket counter and my gate.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Someone at work stole my potato salad.
Someone at work stole my potato salad. That’s okay, though — it’s not like I was really going to eat it after I forgot and left it the car for the last couple of days.
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“You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.”
“You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.” Then why the hell would you want a damn cake in the first place?
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The other day, I was reminded of the old cowboy saying that goes, “You can fry a fish in
The other day, I was reminded of the old cowboy saying that goes, “You can fry a fish in a pan of gunpowder, but that don’t make it AHHHHHHH, MY CHAPS ARE ON FIRE!!!” I can’t quite remember what made me think of it, but I recall I was texting on the highway at the time.
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When it comes to my bucket list, I find it’s easier to do stuff first, then add it to
When it comes to my bucket list, I find it’s easier to do stuff first, then add it to the list. So far, I’ve achieved five years of chastity and the 742nd all-time high score on Frogger.
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HTHDIKWJWD: How the hell do I know what Jesus would do???
HTHDIKWJWD: How the hell do I know what Jesus would do???
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He had me at “Turn it over and pop your hood.”
He had me at “Turn it over and pop your hood.”
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My wife told me: “I need you like the desert needs the rain…
My wife told me: “I need you like the desert needs the rain… once, maybe twice a year, for no more than twenty minutes.”
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Technically, I *am* in touch with reality.
Technically, I *am* in touch with reality. Getting body-slammed is a form of touching.
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I really wish I could spend time alone with my son without my ex-wife hovering above us.
I really wish I could spend time alone with my son without my ex-wife hovering above us. Maybe things will improve in a few months when she finally gives birth.
