When she sucking yo Meat and
adds some tongue action.
are ya ready kids?
Topic: adult humor
Adult humor jokes, memes, dark humor, awkward moments, and weird little disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.
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When She Adds Some Tongue Action
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You Coming to the BBQ?
Me: you coming to the bbq?
Her: what bbq?
Me: the one where I slap my meat across your grill -
Ten Years On The Island
A man is stranded on an island for 10 years. He sees something in the distance coming his way. As it gets closer, he recognizes that it is a person in scuba gear swimming his way. When the person reaches the shore and stands up, he sees that it is a gorgeous woman.
She asks him, “How long have you been here?”
“10 years,” he says.
She asks, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
“10 years.”
She unzips a little pocket and takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She lights one up for him and hands it to him. As he takes a puff, she says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a shot of whiskey?”
“10 years,” he says.
She unzips another pocket, takes out a silver flask, and hands it to him. Then she asks, “How long has it been since you’ve played around?” and starts unzipping the front of her wetsuit.
He gets very excited and says, “10 years. I can’t believe you have a set of clubs in there!”
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A Lucky Night At The Bar
I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60+-year-old. In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I’d ever had a Sportsman’s Double. ‘What’s that?’ I asked. ‘It’s a mother-and-daughter threesome,’ she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, ‘No, I haven’t.’
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, ‘Tonight’s your lucky night.’ We went back to her place.
We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs, ‘Mom… you still awake?’
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The Walk Home
A man is walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides, what the hell.
They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden, a light flashes on them. It’s a policeman.
“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.
“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop. “I didn’t know.”
“Well,” says the man, “to tell the truth, neither did I until you flashed that light on her face.”
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The Devil’s Three Wishes
A man spent years worshipping the Devil.
The Devil finally showed up and offered him three wishes.
“First wish,” the man said. “I want a thousand more wishes.”
“Doesn’t work like that.”
“Fine. Turn your trident into a toothpick.”
The Devil sighed and did it.
“Second wish. Stick that toothpick up your ass.”
He stared at the man for a long moment, then did that too.
“Now give me a thousand wishes,” the man said, “or my third wish is that the toothpick turns back into a trident.”
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Goofy Has a Son
nervabeacon
Goofy is the only classic Disney character who has had sex.
Mickey has nephews, Donald has nephews, Goofy has a son.
And he wasn’t adopted, he looks just like him.
Goofy… has had sex.
Goofy… has known a woman biblically.
Imagine what it must’ve looked like.
Imagine what it sounded like.
These are the things I think about when I wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat.
GA-HYUK. -
Me buying condoms
*Me buying condoms*
Pharmacist: Do you need a bag?
Me: No thanks, she’s beautiful
Pharmacist:
